Love You To Death
by silverpixiedust
Summary: Edward dies. Alice blames Bella for his death. Bella is slowly going insane. Jasper tries helping her by constantly manipulating her emotions, and she starts confiding in him. Okay I suck at summaries. Just read the story. BellaxJasper.
1. Fall Into Pieces

**A/N:** Hello hello. Okay, so this is my very first fanfiction. This was set during New Moon, only she hadn't met Jacob (I don't know whether to add him later on in the story or not) and therefore she's still like, insanely broken. I'm sorry if Alice is really bitchy in this story. I love her to death she's freaking adorable but it just seemed kind of necessary :) And I'm sorry if Bella is this totally whiny, needy person. It's just fun to make her that way. Oh yeah, and I'm putting Victoria in this fic too.. you'll see why if you read this chapter. Okay, other than that, enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters. Stephenie Meyer does. :)

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Chapter One.

**_We were once perfect, me and you. Will never leave this room_**

"_He's gone." _

All it took were two simple words. Two simple words and I felt my entire world collapsed around me. I could barely think, and the next thing I knew, my grip on the doorknob I had been clutching so tightly loosened, as I helplessly gave way to my legs that were buckling below me.

Everything went black.

"_Edward! Stop it!" I giggled, squirming in his stone grip. It was another beautiful day; the sun was out and I was sitting with Edward in our very own personal heaven. He was tickling me, and a huge smile adorned his impossibly gorgeous face. That smile itself made everything seem worthwhile. Even after all this time, I still couldn't grasp the fact that this—this angel, belonged to me. When I was with him, it seemed like nothing mattered anymore. _

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes were five very concerned faces looming over me. I groaned, sitting up. What had happened?

The realization hit me like a bullet.

The Cullens. Rosalie. My doorstep. _Edward.  
_

"Edward." I whispered, my voice shaking unsteadily. My head felt light, and the room seemed to be spinning wildly out of control. My hands shot out to grasp the table that was placed next to the huge bed I was lying in as a way to steady myself.

"We're all so sorry Bella. He meant as much to us as he does to you... we're devastated too." Carlisle murmured, a sympathetic expression on his face.

I slowly eased myself off the bed, the two words Rosalie had said still echoing over and over in my head. So this was what a broken heart felt like. I thought I had experienced it firsthand when he had left me, but this throbbing, painful ache that made me want to double over and cry was so much worse.

Barely able to see, I managed to fumble my way outside. The rain thudded down like angry lashes on every part of my body as the wind whipped my wavy hair across my face.

I needed to breathe. I needed to breathe, and _think_.

No. I needed -- Edward.

His name pulled me under all over again.

Was this how it felt like to drown? Because I certainly felt like I was drowning, or maybe getting buried alive. Even after kicking upwards with all your might, until every last muscle in your body felt deteriorated; you still went down anyway. Your breathing still gets constricted, and everything just stops.

Just. Like. That.

_Well, on the bright side, if I died, at least I would get to see Edward again.  
_

I buried my face in my hands, suddenly aware that hot, salty tears that were flowing down my cheeks.

No.

I needed to pull myself together. Not for me, but for Charlie, for the Cullens' and for— my breath hitched in my throat again.

"Edward." I whispered, gazing up into the empty sky.

"Edward. Edward. Edward."

Maybe by saying his name repeatedly he would come back to me and comfort me. Wipe away my tears and whisper sweet nothings into my ear. Assure me that this was merely one of the nightmares in the alternate universe I had been living in ever since he had left me.

"Bella." A familiar voice chimed in behind me.

I didn't bother checking to see who it was. The only thing on my mind was Edward. The way he would smile at my excessive clumsiness, the way he would hum me my lullaby when I couldn't sleep. I would never be able wrap my arms around his stone-like body ever again. Or see him sparkle every time we were under the sunlight. Everything I had once taken for granted was now gone.

I begin rocking back and forth, the tears still flowing wetly down my face. My eyes felt like they were burning. Crying hurt. The last time I had cried this much, I had been 5. My cat had died. Strangely, the crying felt abnormally good. I _wanted_ to cry. I wanted to hurt.

"Snap out of it!" There it was, that voice again.

"Go away." I muttered.

I wanted to be alone.

"No, I will _not_ go away. Everybody's been worried sick because of you. Get into the house now." Rosalie snarled, appeared in front of me. Like me, she was soaked through, only she was really pissed about it. Rosalie Hale. Always the narcissist. Her eyes flashed dangerously as she took a step towards me.

She had always hated me, if she didn't, then she was pretty good at disguising it. Hell, she had been the one who had appeared on my doorstep to deliver the news about Edward. And now she was treating it like nothing had ever happened to him?

"God, Rosalie. Don't you have an ounce of love or sorrow for your brother? Are you even _hurting_?" I yelled, suddenly losing it. My hands curled into fists by my side, but even in this state of mind I knew better than to take a strike at her.

She looked taken aback for awhile. **Good**. But abruptly she recovered her composure and glared at me again, more ferociously than before.

"You do _not_ get to talk to me like that." She hissed, roughly throwing me across her shoulder and running into the house where she handed me a towel, and a clean pair of clothes.

By the time I was downstairs, I noticed that everybody was gathered in the living room—everybody but Alice. Their faces were all unreadable, statuesque, each looking more gorgeous than the last.

My heart felt like it had been stabbed repeatedly as I glanced at each face; I didn't deserve to be here. Edward was the only reason I had been accepted before, and now that he was gone—the agony ripped through my body, as I finally comprehended what they were probably going to tell me.

"It's alright. I understand that you don't want me here. I'll leave if you want me too." I said softly, my eyes focusing on everything else but them. I knew that if I looked at them, my eyes would fill up with tears again. A public meltdown would just make everything seem worse.

It would make me seem weak.

Esme looked up at me in surprise, shocked by my suggestion."Dear, we don't want you to leave. It's just that… we were trying to think of a way to help you cope with this. Edward meant a lot to all of us too, you know. He was our _family_."

_There was nothing they could do. I was already in far too deep. I was already broken beyond repair after he had left me, so... what was I now? What came after broken beyond repair?  
_

_Keep yourself together Bella. _I screamed at myself, trying to ignore the thoughts that were screaming in my head.

"Oh. Thank you." I twisted up the corners of my mouth in the feeble attempt to form a smile, failing miserably. "Where's Alice?" I asked. If there were anyone who could make me feel even a tiny bit better, it would be Alice. But I doubt even she could do anything about me now. Still, having her around would be nice. I wouldn't be alone, at least.

At the mention of her name, all their expressions changed.

Jasper's face crumpled, Emmett looked sour, Rosalie looked smug, and Carlisle and Esme looked pained.

"W-what is it?" I stammered, now afraid of the answer they were going to give me. Don't tell me Alice had been... with _him_. I gulped, ignoring the fear I suddenly felt.

"It's nothing." Jasper replied quickly, shooting his family a look.

I knew better. They _definitely _weren't telling me something. Alice would never be gone at a time like this.

"Well, I guess I'll just… go home now." I noted quietly, dying to escape the awkward situation I was in. I felt like I was intruding on their family, they should have time to talk about this amongst themselves anyway.

"I'll drive her." Jasper put in, his voice low.

The ride home was a quiet one, the only noise being the unfamiliar song blaring through the local radio station that the radio was tuned on.

I gazed outside the window; the rain was still falling heavily, the little droplets creating intricate patterns on the car's tinted glass.

I traced the patterns with my index finger, sighing heavily. I suddenly had a massive headache, and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep. The dreams would probably come, but at least I didn't have to face reality. Reality hurt so much more than any dream.

"We're here." Jasper stated, as he nudged me gently.

"Okay." I nodded, turning my gaze towards him. I started to unfasten my seatbelt, but by the time I was done, he was already holding the door open for me, umbrella in hand.

"Guess I should have expected that." I muttered, resisting the urge to cry again. For once I was thankful to the rain.

He shrugged, walking me to my door at a human pace. Before pushing the door open, I paused.

"What is it?" he asked, confused.

"I know you know where Alice is." I folded my arms across my chest, an eyebrow raised.

"Look Bella. It's complicated." He sighed, averting his gaze away from me.

"Tell me!" I demanded.

He ignored my question, instead giving me a small shove towards the door. I shook my head, exasperated and stepped into my house. I heard the tires screech and in a matter of seconds, he was gone.

"Charlie?" I called, but I was greeted with silence. I headed into the kitchen to find a note taped on the refrigerator door.

_**Bella-**_

_**I'll be down at La Push tonight, watching the game with Billy. Don't wait up for me.**_

**Love, Charlie.**

I sighed in relief. I didn't want to endure his questioning about how my day had been, at least not today. The tears would probably just come again. Crying was the last thing I needed right now. I loathed crying in front of people, especially in front of the Cullens. It made me feel like I was weak, worthless. _Even if I was_. Sympathy was something I did not want nor did I need.

I undressed myself slowly and stood underneath the scalding hot shower, trying to concentrate on the way my muscles loosened under the hot stream of water. The water burned my skin, but that was probably because I had been standing in the rain not too long ago.

It felt like bliss.

You know how people usually have the most thoughts either before they go to bed or when they're having a shower? Well, this was the only place where I felt like my brain wasn't filled with anything at all. This was the one place where I could feel empty.

I stood in the same position for what felt like hours, though I knew only mere minutes had passed. It felt good. For awhile, I actually felt like I was whole again. Of course, the feeling disappeared the instant I stepped out of the shower and into my now steamy bathroom. Wrapping a fluffy white towel around me, I slowly dressed in an oversized shirt and my most comfortable pair of flannel pants.

Sighing, I flopped onto my bed, too tired to think anymore.

Sleep overwhelmed me almost instantly.

* * *

"_No!" I gasped, running faster and faster. But never fast enough. Edward was disappearing right before my eyes—the flames teased and licked at his motionless body, growing bigger with each step I took, and Edward was shrinking. I stood there helpless, finally comprehending that I was unable to save him.  
_

I woke up, the scream muted by my hand that was clamped across my mouth. A habit I had picked up since I had started having the nightmares. My eyes skimmed over to the digital clock next to me. The neon green numbers screamed at me that it was 2:00 AM. I had been asleep for nearly five hours. Though Charlie had gotten used to my nightmares since Edward had left me, I still tried my hardest not to wake him.

I didn't ever go back to sleep that night. The rest of the night was mostly spent with me tossing and turning in my bed until the sun began to rise.

Absentmindedly, I threw on a long sleeved black sweater and jeans. I wondered if the Cullens would be at school today.

That's when I caught sight of the mirror.

Or to be more precise, the girl who was glancing _at_ the mirror. Her dark hair was unkempt, her eyes were puffy and red, and her skin was an unhealthy shade of white.

Okay. I looked way worse than I thought. Who the hell cared anyway? It's not like I was meaning to impress anyone. _Not anymore._

Skipping breakfast, I headed straight for my truck. Instead, I was surprised to find an unfamiliar sleek black car parked in my yard. Curious, I walked towards it. The exterior was painted black, and it looked sleek and fast. Fancy, for sure. I assumed it was one of the Cullens cars, since around here, they were pretty much the only ones that owned cars that looked like that. But if it was, how came I had never seen it parked around their house before? Curious, I made my way towards it.

_**When rivers turn to roads and lovers become trends, hush, this is where it ends.**_

**A/N:**So? Did you guys like it? R/R please. Opinions are appreciated but nothing too harsh please.


	2. Lost Without You

**A/N:** Yes, two chapters in a day. I actually already wrote this when I wrote the first chapter, but it needed some editing so yeah. Thank you to everybody who's been reviewing me (though it isn't much.) I'm really glad you guys like my story. Okay, so this chapter has a LOT of Jasper. I might make the next one in his POV, or maybe chapter 4 since this ended in sort of a cliffy, I think. Kay enough of my rambling. Here's chapter two.

**Disclaimer:** I do NOT own any of these characters, settings... blah blah blah. If I did, I'd be off jet-setting somewhere right now. :(

* * *

**Chapter Two.**

_**You may tire of me as our December sun is setting because I'm not who I used to be**_

A tall, blonde-haired boy emerged from the front seat. Ah… that explained it. The car belonged to none other than Jasper Hale_. _

_What's he doing at my house?_

"Esme asked me to send you to school. Since you know—_he_ used to do that. She didn't want you to feel lonely or something." He drawled slowly as an explanation.

The dull ache I had been feeling was still there. I doubt it would ever disappear, though it didn't hurt as much as it did yesterday. Or maybe I was just getting used to the fact that it was here to stay.

_Well, this isn't going to be awkward at all. Jasper and I riding to school. The looks I'll get. Nothing awkward!_

"You really do not need to do this." I frowned. Esme was starting to go overboard with all these gestures of kindness.

I would be perfectly fine. Well, I would be perfectly fine over a long, LONG period of time.

Plus, I knew Jasper had trouble with the bloodlust thing. What if I suddenly cut myself or something? Okay, so it wouldn't be possible for a normal human to cut herself in a car but I had learned long ago that normalcy wasn't me. Anyway, that was one of the reasons why Edward had left me in the first place.

A shiver ran down my spine as I replayed the turn of events that had happened only a few weeks ago. If I hadn't been so stupid, none of that would've happened and Edward would still be here with me. A tear threatened to escape my eye, and I quickly blinked it away.

"Bella… you'll end up riding with me either way. " He pointed out, breaking me out of my reverie.

"Come on, just get in the car." He pleaded, and since I didn't want to argue, I wordlessly climbed into the passenger seat.

The silence between us was deafening. Even worse then yesterday, because this time the radio wasn't turned on. Maybe he refused to talk to me because he had been forced into this or something. That certainly made sense. Well, fine. If he wasn't going to talk to me-- I would just have to talk to him.

"Just because Esme forced you to bring me to school, didn't mean you had to comply. I mean, my truck's at home for a reason." I blurted out. Great. That was an excellent conversation starter. I could've slapped myself... but then Jasper would think I was just plain weird.

I peeked through the corner of my eye to see Jasper's reaction. He looked faintly… was that _amusement_?

"Oh Bella. The things you have to learn. I don't do things because I'm forced to do them. I do things because I can. I just felt like I owed it to you, after _that_ day. Besides, Edward was my brother. He wouldn't have wanted to see the love of his life depressed." He smirked, his eyes glinting.

"Oh. Right. Then why aren't you talking to me?" I asked, slumping into my seat.

He didn't reply me. What, was he trying to be evasive or something? Because if he was, then it was certainly working. Silence engulfed us again. Of course, once the silence ensued, all I could think about was Edward.

_He's dead. He's dead. He's dead. He's dead. He's dead. He's dead. He's dead. He's dead. He's dead. He's dead. He's dead. He's dead. He's dead. He's dead. He's dead. He's dead. He's dead. _

_I would never be able to see his wonderful crooked smile anymore. _

_I would never be able to wrap my arms around his perfectly sculptured body._

_Or see the way his skin sparkled underneath the sunlight._

_And I would never be able to hear his angelic voice anymore._

It just felt… wrong to be sitting here in the car with his _brother, _attempting to make small chat while he was… somewhere out there. I held no firm beliefs in religion, neither did Charlie or Renee, and therefore I wasn't really sure in heaven or hell. I just hoped that he was somewhere where he was happy. Happy, by himself. _Without me_.

The idea of that was too much for me to take. I felt myself being weighed down, all over again. Suddenly, the space in the car felt way too small for the both of us. It was like I suddenly lacked oxygen, or something.

Oh god.

_I have too get out of here. I have to get the hell out of this car. I feel like I'm suffocating. This is so wrong. Wrong on all levels. _

_God. You're just in a car with Jasper. It's not like you're cheating on Edward or something. Jasper is his brother, whom he fully trusts with all his heart. Get a grip on yourself, Bella._

_But what if Edward feels like his being replaced? What if-_

Bella. Are you okay?" Jasper questioned, panicking. My thoughts were battling each other again, and this time I was thankful for his interruption, though it didn't exactly help.

"Have… to…Get…out!" I shrieked, banging on the window. Yeah, he probably assumed I was possessed. I certainly _felt _possessed.

"Jasper!" I wailed, my body suddenly convulsing as I broke into loud sobs.

He instantly pulled over, gathering both my hands into his stone grip to stop me from doing anymore damage. He briefly rested the back of his other hand on my forehead, and I shuddered at his ice cold touch.

"Well, you don't seem to be having a fever." He noted gently.

"J-Jasper! He's- Edward… gone!" I cried, my heartbeat palpitating. This was all too much to take.

At least when Edward left I had the comfort of knowing that he was with his family and that he was alright. When he was gone, I hadn't felt _anything_. For weeks, I had walked around figuratively and literally numb. Like how someone would feel when they had been injected with too much morphine.

I would have taken that, over _this_ insanity any day. I didn't even know what was wrong with me, excluding the fact that I suddenly had the urge to break everything in my distance and just cry my heart out. I had never experienced it before, and I was powerless over it.

Yeah, it scared the living shit out of me.

"Bella, you're emotions are going haywire. Please, you have to calm down." At his words, I felt a wave of calmness wash over me.

For awhile, everything felt normal again.

But the calm vanished as fast as it came, and my breathing became faster, more frenzied than before. Everything I looked at was just a streaky blur, though I was positive I wasn't moving.

Then I saw him, standing in front of our car. He wore my favourite crooked smile on his face, along with the tan jacket he usually wore. Still, something was wrong. He looked oddly out of focus, like the lights were far too bright. Wait, he wasn't even supposed to be "lighted" in the first place. Vampires didn't light up!

I gasped, as it hit me. He was a hallucination. But at least he was _there_.

"E-Edward!" I mumbled to myself a few more times, overjoyed. I felt tired. So immensely tired. And everything hurt. I was just so happy that I saw Edward again. My eyes slowly slid shut.

Darkness greeted me yet again.

* * *

"Come on Bella, wake up! Please..."

Ew. There was something cold and wet seeping into my jeans. I opened my eyes, still bleary, and saw that I had been lying down on grass.

"Thank God you're awake. I'm sorry you were on the grass. I had no idea where to put you..." Jasper's voice trailed off, but I still sensed worry in it.

I shot him a weak smile. I still felt kind of fuzzy.

"Jasper... why aren't we in school?" I asked in a small voice.

He looked at me, disbelief coloring his eyes.

"Only you would be thinking about school right after you just fainted." He responded, his face grim. He turned away from me, his long fingers picking apart a daisy.

That statement sounded just like something _he_ would say.

Then I remembered why I had passed out in the first place. Edward. I had seen him!

"Bella, what is it?" he asked, the worry now in his butterscotch eyes.

"I saw him, Jasper! Before I fainted. I saw Edward... It was just a hallucination, but still!" I remembered excitedly, practically jumping up and down.

Silence.

He sighed.

"I'm sorry Bells... but that shouldn't be a good thing." he chided softly.

"Why?" I whimpered.

"You should be trying to get yourself together... and that, that isn't going to help." he said in a monotone. I felt a surge run through my body, and I directed the sudden hate I felt towards him.

I didn't want to forget Edward! Edward, was the love of my life.

"Screw you." I muttered. I was so sick of all this.

Him, Rosalie. I knew they loved him, but they should have let me forget him the way I wanted to. _Not like this_.

Following my instincts, I begin to run.

**_No longer easy on the eyes but these wrinkles masterfully disguise._**

* * *

**A/N:** Yes. Bella's mad at him. *cue: angry noises* Well.... as usual, reviews please!  
Jasper Hale will love you forever. (after he loves me. and Alice.) :D It's raining here... I like rain.


	3. Maybe I'll be Okay?

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns everything EXCEPT Mrs. Michelle. Yeap... But I WILL OWN TWILIGHT! ONE DAY.  
...... okay fine, maybe not. hmph.

* * *

**Chapter Three.**

**_You can't see everything that you did to me_**

Everything was reduced to a blur as I sped past the trees and such. It was fast to me, but probably not for Jasper. By the time I stopped, I was well... somewhere in the forest. To my surprise, Jasper hadn't followed me. I had expected him too, seeing how he had like… super speed and stuff.

"I'm sorry, Bella."

Apparently I had spoken too soon. Huh. Well, it would've be nice if he could leave me to be for once. After all, didn't he have a family to get back to? A wife to comfort?

I started directed hate conflicted emotions towards him, hoping maybe he would get the hint and leave. That wasn't too much for me to ask, was it?

"Look, what I said earlier didn't come out the way it was supposed to. I didn't mean that you had to forget Edward completely." He began.

"Then what did you mean?" I asked in a cold voice.

"I meant that you should still love him. But you should learn to move on. He knows, and he'll always know that you love him. And I know he wouldn't want to see you hurt." Jasper continued.

"Look, it's… it's alright if you don't want to talk to me. Just think about my advice." He finally said, his hand brushing my shoulder.

Then he was gone.

* * *

**_JASPER'S POV._**

I didn't know what to do anymore. I tried to help.

And now she was mad at me.

I swayed back and forth on the creaky swing. Even though I was tall, and pretty heavy, I still felt an odd sense of comfort everytime I was sitting on a swing. It made my thinking so much easier. Probably because it was my favourite thing to do in the playground when I was a kid. A habit I still hadn't kicked, I guess.

Honestly, I wished that I could tell her that Edward would be back and that everything would be alright. I wished I could tell her that Alice still loved her and that Victoria was dead. Instead, everyone's roles got reversed and now she was the one who was hurt. She really deserved much better than this.

I remembered that when she had been in the car with me, earlier on, her sadness had hit me like a ton of bricks. Well, technically I wouldn't have been affected if a ton of bricks had hit me in the first place, but let's just pretend like I could have been...anyway, for once, I had no idea what to do. Even after sending her waves of calmness, she was still a total wreck.

Seriously, after living for centuries you would think that you've come across extremely, extremely sad people, but right now she definitely took the bait.

And that thing about telling her to forget Edward. I could've slapped myself. If I had lost Alice (fine maybe I did lose her in a way, but we were still on talking terms and loved each other), I would probably have gone even crazier then Bella and killed half the population in Forks or something. Just thinking about it scared the living shit out of me. Unexpectedly, I suddenly began to feel tired. That definitely wasn't right.

"Jasper... wait. It's, it's alright!" Bella gasped, pulling at a stop in front of me. Her face was flushed, and she looked breathless. Her scent wafted towards me, as usual, but I was starting to get used to it. After all, since she had been with Edward, 90% of her time was spent at our house anyway. So I didn't really have a choice.

"Are you alright?" I questioned, standing up. It wouldn't have surprised me if she told me she tripped over a rock or something. She nodded quickly.

"I just needed some time alone... back there. I'm okay now, I think." Her face scrunched up for awhile, but quickly returned back to normal. She shot me a grin that even a child could tell that was completely fake.

"I... I just don't know what to do now." she confessed, her bottom lip trembling. Oh no, please don't tell me she wasn't going to burst into tears again. I really wasn't used to this kind of thing. Vampires never cried, and I wasn't exactly an expert at comforting people. Desperately I sent waves of happiness towards her.

"Well, whenever you need someone to talk to, I'm always here. Though I warn you.. I don't give good advice." I warned, flashing her a small smile.

* * *

**_BELLA'S POV._**

I didn't know what had made me go back to Jasper until I realized that he was one of the people who actually knew where Alice was, and one of the people who could help me with what I was going through. He was the perfect candidate. Carlisle was always busy with work, Esme was sometimes a little _too_ helpful, Rosalie hated me and I knew that she would totally _kill_ Emmett if I asked him and he complied.

So, yeah. Jasper. There was also the fact that I felt kind of... _safe _around him. Not the way I felt around Edward, but at least he was a Cullen. Okay, maybe part of it was because of the vibes he always sent my direction, but at least his prescence would keep me from falling apart. Also, he was the closest source to Alice. I think I already mentioned that.

We had adjourned back to the car and Jasper was driving us back to school. By now, it would be lunch, but apparently he had thought of a plausible excuse for out tardiness. I knew that even without an excuse he would still be allowed in class, since all the female teachers in that school were dazzled by his family. Me, on the other hand.... not so sure.

"We're having the same class now right... Music?" he quipped, as we walked towards the big building. I nodded slowly, only then remembering that I had music with both him and Edward. Funny how I never noticed anyone else in class except Edward. Okay... that should be a bad thing.

"Look ill." He commanded, as he pushed open the white door leading us into the classroom. Well, that was easy. Judging by my reflection this morning, that look wouldn't be too difficult to achieve. I probably looked like a drowning cat now.

"Mrs. Michelle, we're so sorry for being late. But Bella here-" he motioned to me. "Looked a little ill when I went to pick her up earlier, and I thought that I should have let her have some fun." Then he lowered his voice. "I'm sure you know about my brother, Edward, and so, you must know what she's been going through."

"Fine then, Bella, choir as usual. Jasper, guitar.." She sniffed, and turned back to her class.

Music-- one of the classes I actually _enjoyed._ I wasn't sure if I was good at singing, but I knew enough that it didn't involve any motions and therefore I wouldn't be able to hurt anyone, or myself. Also, it wasn't like I knew how to play any instruments anyway.

The day was like any other day, and I attempted to immerse myself into all my lessons. Then the last bell rang, and unlike all the other students who were joyfully filing out of the classes, dread begin filling up the pit of my stomach. Because unlike them, now I had to go home and face my thoughts. Alone.

Slowly, I made my way out into the parking lot, buying myself all the time I could. You see, the later I got home, the less I needed to suffer.

"Riding with me?" Jasper asked, appearing next to me.

"Do I have a choice? I don't see my truck anywhere in sight." I muttered, back at him. He opened the door of the passenger seat, and I smiled as I stepped in.

"I assume you aren't prepared to go home yet, right?" He noted, as he revved up the engine. I shook my head miserably, pulling on my seat belt.

"That's what I thought. Do you want to go grab dinner first? McDonalds. We can take some home for Charlie... then you wouldn't have to cook tonight." he pointed out. My mind really wasn't focused on his words, but I just nodded, because anywhere seemed better than going home.

"So, I assume Rosalie's pretty angry that I'm riding with you?" I asked, fiddling with the knob to the radio station.

"Actually... she's pretty glad that I'm doing it. She cares about you, it's just that she shows it in a pretty weird way." he confessed.

_That _was pretty shocking, and I wasn't exactly sure which way to take it. Though it was definitely a good thing. I finally settled on some unknown station that was playing one of my favourite songs and just glanced outside the window again. It didn't take long to reach McDonalds, because it was just a few blocks away from school.

* * *

After getting my order, and Charlie's takeout, we settled at a corner seat where we wouldn't be noticed by people. I took a bite out of my burger, only then remembering that I hadn't eaten since morning. My stomach emitted a low growl, proving me right. I was starving.

I chewed, then swallowed before remembering what I had been meaning to say to Jasper earlier on.

"I'm really sorry... you know, about Alice." I confessed. Jasper stared at me, shock clearly written all over his face. "I mean, I would have expected you to be angry at me, but you've been so nice and I feel so guilty. Really, I would try to help if I only knew how." I continued in a small voice.

Jasper still looked incredulous, and a tad bit angry. Though I definitely didn't blame him.

"Saying something right now would be a good idea." I suggested, taking another bite of the burger and gulping down my milkshake. I prepared myself for the angry speech he was probably going to give. He would probably blame me too.

Maybe this was a really bad time to bring up this conversation.

**_Blinded as the shades draw closed, time's up for _**

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**A/N:** I'M REALLLY REALLY SORRY IF YOU GUYS THINK THIS IS A LONG WINDED CRAPPY CHAPTER. definitely isn't my best. It's 3:06 a.m now and I've been writing it for the past 2 hours + i have to give my best friend girl advice. Which means I probably won't be sleeping anytime soon. Really really frustrating because I think she's leading him on and WHY am i writing this? Anyway, yeah read and review please.


	4. Not Your Fault

**A/N:** Thanks to everyone who's been reviewing. It's been kinda little though. It would be nice if more people reviewed instead of just reading it, alerting it, and not saying anything. Anyway, here's chapter 4 :)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything.

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**Chapter Four.**

**_I think that I might break, lost myself again and I feel unsafe_**

"It's alright. It wasn't your fault anyway." Jasper said in a monotone.

"Can you at least tell me… why she left?" I asked, nibbling on a French fry. He would probably say no again. But I wasn't going to be giving up anytime soon. I had all the time in the world to bug him.

* * *

**JASPER'S POV.**

I honestly did not want to tell her anything about Alice or her whereabouts because that would mean telling her about how Edward had died. But I knew that she would repeatedly bring it up until she got what she wanted.

Also, I would have told her... eventually.

Of course, without any doubt, this was a decision I was sure to regret, seeing how the bigger part of me wanted to tell her. But a part of me thought that maybe if I let it all out, I would feel better.

Still, using this to my advantage was undeniably selfish. The girl was on the edge of insanity for God's sake!

"Jasper?" she questioned in a small voice. I looked up at her, hesitating. I had to. I had to tell her the truth. No matter how hard it would be for her. Suddenly I felt like taking her hand and telling her that everything would be alright. In a purely platonic way of course.

Just looking at her sit there, so small and so fragile; even more breakable than she usually looked, pained me. I never talked to her much before, but I had observed her enough to see that she was trying her best to keep herself together.

"Don't… don't freak out on me okay? Or do anything crazy?" I started nervously. How was I going to break this to her, without breaking her? She was already broken beyond repair, to say the least and I wasn't sure how much more she could take.

_She still deserves to know the truth._

"I won't." she continued, looking up at me.

I took a deep breath, bracing myself.

"Well, Alice… she sort of blames you for Edward's death. See, Victoria was the one who killed him." I paused, searching her for a sign that she was about to freak out on me. Nothing. She _did _have both her arms wrapped around her body, and she was visibly trembling.

"Go on." She demanded.

"Bella-"

"NO. Just… I need to know how. I don't care how much it hurts. As long as I know _how_." She whispered. There was definitely no going back now. Jasper, you are probably the world's biggest idiot. Scratch that. You _are_ the world's biggest idiot.

_She deserves to know the truth._ I repeated, hoping maybe I would be able to convince myself that I wasn't being a horrible person.

"He- he was coming back for you. Alice had a vision and she had seen you doing some pretty crazy things. Actually, crazy would be an understatement. Well, he obviously got worried and immediately booked a flight back, despite everyone's protests. I think we knew it would have happened eventually, because he was going insane without you."

"Anyway, Victoria had been tracing him and finally found him in a hotel. She burned the entire place down. Of course then--"

"Wait. Wouldn't Alice have been able to see Victoria go after Edward?" Bella interrupted.

I nodded. "She did, at the very last minute. I don't know how Victoria did it, but she had prevented Alice from seeing the future. Once Alice had her vision, it was too late. The hotel had already been in flames."

"I need some time alone." She muttered, trudging outside. I watched her lingering figure, every emotion she was currently feeling, rippling through me. There was sadness, guilt, anger-- everything. I didn't try to stop her this time, because I knew she probably needed time to process everything that I had just said to her.

Then I heard her heaving.

Barely able to contain my horror, I ran out (as fast as a human could, but it felt like I was crawling), and found her crouched over one of the small bushes, her head bent. Her hands were holding her hair back, and I waited patiently until she stopped, not exactly sure what I was supposed to do.

_This couldn't be good, right? Humans and puking aren't exactly good mixture. Is she sick?_

"Are you okay?" I murmured quietly.

"No." she whimpered, wrapping her arms around herself again, her teeth chattering. Realization dawned on me. She was cold. She was absolutely freezing.

In a swift motion, I pulled my jacket off and wrapped it around her. The black fabric against her pale skin made her look abnormally pale. Nearly as pale as _me_. She shot me a small smile, but she still had her arms wrapped around herself. Was she sick or something? Gently, I put an arm around her waist, slowly guiding her back into the warm, heated restaurant-- which was nearly empty now.

"It's my fault." she finally said, her head hung low.

At her words, I couldn't help the surge of anger that coursed through me. After all that she had been through, how could she _possibly_ think that this was her fault? Edward was the one who had left her, even after he had promised that he wouldn't. Of course, I knew where he was coming from. But love didn't pick and choose; it just... happened.

"Look at me." I growled at her, my voice low. She slowly lifted her gaze, and I saw tears beginning to pool in her eyes.

_Please don't cry. _I willed desperately. She angrily rubbed the tears back with the back of her palm, and I released an inaudible sigh.

"It is _not_ your fault. Neither of you had expected to fall in love with each other, and none of us had expected Victoria to be so cunning. Edward does, and will _always_ love you-- no matter where he is. None of this is your fault. It isn't anybody's fault." I reassured.

"But Alice blames--" she protested.

"Look... Alice is going through a tough time right now. But she's wrong, okay?" I said firmly.

_Alice._ She had called me only yesterday night, after I had gotten home. I had asked-- no, begged, her countless times to rationalize with me, and see how broken up Bella was over the whole thing. She refused, of course, saying that the only thing that mattered was Edward was dead. She also didn't want to come back to Forks because she claimed that she had _things _over to do at Denali. Of course, she refused to tell me what kind of things. Needless to say, I was pretty annoyed-- not to mention totally and utterly confused by her actions. Since when had she ever felt the need to keep things from _me_?

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**BELLA'S POV.**

I pushed my iPod's earbuds into my ears, pushing up the volume to it's loudest. Hopefully it would be able to drown out my sorrow. I flicked off my nightlight, burying myself into the soft covers of my bed.

One song faded through to the next, and I wasn't sure how many I had gone through before I decided that sleep would be impossible for me tonight. Sure, I was exhausted, but after the day I had, I knew that I would probably have nightmares anyway. Unthinkingly, I flipped open my cell phone, scrolling through my contact list.

_Jamie_

_Jessica_

_Jasper_

I stopped at his name, pressing the green button and putting the phone to my ear. Who else would I have called? If Alice were here, she would have seemed like a likely candidate, but she wasn't. And nobody else I knew stayed up at 2:30 am on a school night.

It took two beeps before he finally answered. The line however, was silent. Oh right. Figured I would have to be the one to start the conversation.

"I can't sleep." I said flatly.

"I kind of figured that out." He replied, and I could just_ feel_ his smirk across the phone. How was it that _he _was the same boy who had been comforting me for the past few days? Maybe all the Cullens had multiple personality disorder.

The line was silent for awhile. Something else I would have to get accustomed to.

"Bella?" he asked.

"Why don't you come over?" I responded, flipping my phone shut.

**_Be my friend, hold me, wrap me up_**

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**A/N:** It's a little short. I swear the next chapter will be longer. I'm tired. Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed it. As usual, read and REVIEW please :D put that smile on my face.


	5. All Around Me

**A/N:** Hey ho! Thanks for all the reviews that I've been getting. This one's for everyone who has reviewed. Oh, and I'm surprised some people actually cried! That's a good thing... I think. By the way, I'm probably gonna start a Jasper/Alice fic... I'm just wondering whether it'll turn out well. Cause it's kinda hard to write. And just to answer one of my reviewers:

WannabeWolfe: Er, don't kill me. But I hadn't thought about that. Guess it escaped my mind for awhile. It was late. I'm sorry!

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**Chapter Five.**

**_I can feel you all around me, thickening the air I'm breathing_**

After a few minutes, there was a light knock on my window. I slid it up, revealing a very confused Jasper. He stepped cautiously into my room, pulling off the leather jacket that he wore which revealed a faded grey t-shirt. I hadn't noticed it before, but he was like the exact opposite of—_him_.

"Is there a reason why I'm here?" He asked.

Oh _crap_. Why _had_ I invited him over? Because I couldn't sleep?

I hadn't realized how this would actually affect _me_. I had forgotten for a moment that this was the exact thing _he_ used to do. Did I invite Jasper here because subconsciously I needed a vampire with me in order for me to sleep? In order to feel safe? Now this, this felt like I was replacing _him_.

"I.. I don't know. God, Jasper, I'm really sorry for making you come here, and now this feels so _wrong_." I choked out, pulling up my knees to my chest. Why was I always messing things up? Making everyone around me feel _so bad_? Jasper didn't deserve to go through all of this with me when he was probably hurting, too. I shouldn't be dragging him through _my _mess.

"Hey, hey. It's okay. You're just… lonely. I get it. Just try going back to sleep. I'll be sitting right here okay?" He soothed, smiling at me.

As if to prove his point, he grabbed the battered copy of Wuthering Heights from my bedside table and settled on the small beanbag Charlie had bought from a garage sale for me a few days ago.

I was too tired to argue with him, but I still couldn't ignore the guilt that was rushing through me. Still, I pulled the comforter up to my chin, surprised that all of a sudden sleep was the only thing that I wanted. Jasper chuckled softly... he must have used his ability on me. I would've retorted or something, but I was already drifting into oblivion.

* * *

_"No… don't go. Edward!"_

_He was laughing at me, taunting me, as he moved farther and farther away. Except... he wasn't really _moving_. I just couldn't seem to catch up with him. I dragged my legs below me as fast as I could, across the floor that seemed to be made of nothingness. _

_"Run, Bella." He suddenly whispered, his golden eyes suddenly turning into a startling shade of crimson. I felt something wet graze my feet. I looked downwards in horror, barely able to contain my screams. There were corpses...everywhere...their bodies were pale and unmoving, and there was blood covering every inch of the previously black surface._

_"EDWARD!" I screamed, as his teeth turned into fangs, his expression turning monstrous._

"_I love…you." I gasped._

* * *

It was just a dream.

I sat up, breathing heavily. My covers were strewn everywhere, meaning I had been thrashing in my sleep again. Then I realized that there were tears streaming down my cheeks. The dream was so vivid, almost as if it had _actually_ happened. I gasped as the ache in my heart begin to throb painfully again.

Jasper was at my side in a flash, and the pain began to dissipate slowly, but the tears still streamed down my face. I sobbed and sobbed until my throat begin to hurt, yet I still couldn't stop. He wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me closer towards him, so that I was resting my head against his ice cold shoulder.

"I miss...him...so much." I murmured, my voice breaking.

"I know. It's going to be okay." He comforted, stroking my hair.

I shook my head vigorously.

"It's _not_ going to be okay. I'm this... total mess. And, Victoria's still out there." I pulled away from him, burying my face into my hands. I had known that my number was up ever since I had met _him_, but why was he the one who had to die? If anyone were supposed to die, it should be ME.

"We'll find her. We'll get her. I _promise_ you, we will." He growled. His voice was low, dangerous.

"Jasper... I don't... I don't want to go to school tomorrow." I stated dully.

He nodded. "Okay. We'll skip. Now go back to sleep."

I lay my head back down on the pillow, sleep taking over me again.

* * *

I was awakened by the sunlight that streamed through my windows. A twisting ball of dread filled the pit of my stomach as I realized that Jasper was nowhere in sight. He had probably gone hunting. I stretched, and a note fell off my bed, confirming my fears. I picked it up, glancing at it.

_**Bella, I've gone hunting with Rose and Em. We'll be back this evening.**_

_**-Jasper.**_

Great.

It wasn't even 12 yet and I knew that I was going to be having an extremely crappy day. I might as well just go to school, then. Being alone would be worse, and probably more dangerous for me anyway. _Bring on the torture!_

I slipped into a pair of jeans and a white turtleneck, grabbing my school bag and heading downstairs. Charlie was already seated at the dining table, eating toast. I had managed to avoid him yesterday, but today...

"Hey Bells. We have to talk." He murmured.

_No we don't. What could we possibly have to talk about unless-- oh._

"Um... okay." I hesitantly took a seat, trying to keep myself from falling apart in front of Charlie. That definitely wouldn't be a good sight. He would totally freak out.

"I heard about... Edward." I visibly flinched at his name, my heart tearing open again. He saw the look on my face and gave me a moment to regain myself.

"How're you holding up, kid?" he asked, with a concerned expression on his face.

Bad_ would be an understatement._

"I've... I've probably been better." I finally sighed.

"I'm here for you, okay?" He assured. I shot him a big (fake) smile and kissed him on the cheek.

"Thanks dad. See you later." I muttered.

Thankfully, it didn't look like I was late to school. There were still students still hanging around, enjoying the sunny day. Once, a long, _long_ time ago, I would've been one of them, basking happily in the sunlight. But after meeting the Cullens, I had decided that sunny wasn't exactly my kind of thing.

Grimacing, I made my way towards the Girls' bathroom, which was sure to be empty at a time like this. I glanced into the mirror, and a horde of memories suddenly hit me, all at once.

The first time he had brought me to the meadow.

The first time we had kissed.

The first time I had ever laid my eyes on him.

James... Victoria... the ballet studio. My near-death experience.

And now he was dead.

My eyes were blind with tears of rage. I could feel my hands curl into fists at my side, and the next thing I knew, the mirror was in shards and I was clutching my bleeding fist. A scream of agony ripped through me as I rushed into the nearest cubicle to wrap my fist in toilet paper. The pain was torturous-- it was spreading through my body like poison. I managed to drag myself towards the door and into the hallway.

The instant I walked out, a hush fell over everyone. They were all staring at me, wide eyed and speechless. Through the pain, I felt a wave of irritation wash through me. They could at least HELP ME DAMN IT! I was surprised I could still think straight.

"It hurts." I mumbled, my teeth gritted together. I was positive that if I didn't do that I would end up screaming again.

"Oh my God, Bella!" Lauren came rushing towards me, all wide eyed and scared.

"You guys could have at least helped her get to the nurse you know." she yelled, and instantly everyone went back to their chatter, uninterested. What nice schoolmates I had.

"Thanks, Lauren." I said, once my hand was getting treated. The nurse cleaned off the blood with antiseptic, which stung, but I had been getting used to it over the past few years. Then she spread some yellow iodine thing over my hand, wrapping it up with a bandage.

"You should be thankful none of the glass managed to go through your skin. What happened, anyway?" she asked.

_I couldn't tell her what I had done, even if I hadn't meant to do it. She would think I was suicidal... which I definitely wasn't._

"Well, I was brushing my hair, and the floor was kind of wet so I slipped forwards." I lied. I had always been a horrible liar but this one sounded pretty believable. I was, after all, deemed by the Cullens as Forks' biggest klutz.

School was over before I knew it, and my mood had lifted slightly because due to my hand, I had been excused from Gym. Hallelujah. I slowly made my way to my truck, surprised to see that there was already somebody leaning on against the red monstrosity.

* * *

**JASPER'S POV**

"JASPER! YOU'RE BACK!" she squealed, a smile lighting up her face. Then she frowned, and a ripple of sadness went through me. Ecstatic to depressed in a matter of seconds. I peered at her curiously, wondering what was going through her head. Then I noticed that there was a bandage wrapped around one of palms.

"What happened to your hand?" I started, and a pained look flashed over her face.

"Um... I had an accident. Fell down, as usual." She muttered, suddenly very fixtated on something behind me. It was so obvious that she was lying, but I also knew that she didn't want to remember. I didn't try probing her any further. All through my hunting trip, all I had been doing was worrying about her. Which was weird. I mean, she was just a friend, a confidante. She _wasn't _supposed to be on my mind if I wasn't around her.

I shook the feeling off, flashing her a bright smile. She opened the door of the driver's seat-- and dropped the books she was holding in her other hand in process.

"Shit." she muttered, reaching down to pick them up. But they were already in my hand. I handed them to her, trying not to laugh. She shot me a death glare and hauled herself into the seat clumsily.

"There is no way in hell that I am going to allow you to drive." I said flatly.

"I'm fine! Come on, let's just go!" She begged, pouting. Yeah, like that was going to work on me. I was no Edward.

"No. If you drive, I'm just going to leave." I told her, crossing my arms over each other.

"FINE." She growled, moving into the passenger seat.

A curtain of silence fell on us, something she had probably been getting accustomed to now. She seemed calm, but I knew that she was still hurting-- badly. I knew that there was nothing I could do to help her, and I should have been staying away from her, but I was too scared that she would do something crazy and then I'd be guilty because I _could _have been able to stop her.

She had fallen asleep, her head jerked towards the window. I took the long way to her house, giving her time to sleep. There were dark circles underneath her eyes and she looked exhausted. Suddenly, she screamed Edward's name. Loudly and repetitively.

Not again.

I shook her softly. "Edward." She breathed, suddenly clinging onto me. I looked down at her sleeping figure in horror, slowly prying her hands away from my shirt.

"It's not him. It's me, Jasper." I said, shaking her again.

"Don't wanna wake..up." she mewled. Alright. Fine then. I drove to her house, making sure Charlie was busy focusing on his game before I lifted Bella and climbed up the tree leading to her room. I gently laid her on her bed, pulling her sneakers off. She clung onto the pillow, a small smile suddenly appearing on her face.

I sighed, taking out my iPod. This was going to be a very long evening. Or night.

She finally awoke at around 4.45 am. I pulled out my earbuds, silencing my iPod that was previously playing the Kills.

"Why is it so early?" she asked, clearly not remembering what had happened. Her hair was disheveled and her eyebrows were pulled together, like she was thinking very hard about something.

"You fell asleep on the way home from school. At around 5 pm." I informed her, watching her eyes widen. She looked down at herself, releasing an audible sigh, obviously glad that she was still wearing the same clothes.

"I'm insulted that you think of me so poorly." I retorted, faking hurt. She rolled her eyes, still looking dazed.

**_Holding on to what I'm feeling, savoring this heart that's healing  
_**

**_

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_**

**You know what to do :D**


	6. Everything's Just Wonderful

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews I've been getting. Really, you guys are awesome and it's really nice that you're enjoying the story. But it takes me a really long time to write all these and I would appreciate it even more if you guys could increase the reviews to at least 10 a chapter. I'm aiming for a 100 by the time I reach chapter 10... so please make it happen for me!

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**Chapter Six.**

_**Once in a while, once in a while**_

**JASPER'S POV.**

"You don't have to stay here if you don't want to…" She said, running a hand through her hair, holding back a yawn.

"It's fine. You should sleep." I couldn't help smiling at her. She looked so adorable. Her wavy hair was disheveled and she was wearing a shirt that was about three sizes too big on her. And for once, it seemed like she was perfectly _calm_.

Still, even after the sleep she had gotten, the exhaustion she felt was still pretty evident. I directed a ripple of lethargy towards her, and she buried her head back onto her pillow after murmuring a soft 'thank you' to me.

Minutes after she had shut her eyes, another shrill scream of agony escaped her throat. She thrashed and rolled around in her bed. I directed waves of calm over to her over and over again, desperately praying that she would just _stop_; but she went on screaming. Everything she had been holding in just _hit_ me, and I was shocked by the intensity of her emotions. Her pain sliced right through my skin, cutting through me like a knife.

Fear overwhelmed me when I realized that she was even worse off now than she had been for the past few days.

And here I was, Jasper Whitlock Hale, the _empath_, unable to do nothing but watch her helplessly.

For the first time I fully understood what Bella meant everytime she said she felt _completely useless_. _That_ was how I felt right now.

As I watched her scream again, the sound muted by her pillow this time, I knew that even though I couldn't do anything, I had to at least _try_.

Carefully, I made my way over to her bed. She was kicking the sheets off now, her tiny hands were clutching the pillow like it had suddenly grown wings and was about to fly off. I gazed at her flailing body, and with one swift motion pulled her over to me so that her head was lying on my lap. To my surprise, she immediately relaxed.

"Edward." She murmured contentedly, a smile playing on her lips. And for the second time that night she completely surprised me.

She threw her arms around my waist, pulling me tightly towards her.

She was hugging me.

_Oh shit._

I knew that I wasn't Edward. Nor would I ever be. I knew that I should be extracting her hands off my waist; that would, after all be the right thing to do. I had to admit though, she was holding me pretty tightly for a human.

I sighed, glancing down at her again. She looked, well, she actually looked _happy_. The smile was still plastered on her face, and _I_ had been the one to put it there, even if she still thought that I was Edward. This was so incredibly wrong... me being with her like this, but if I stayed away from her-- left her all alone to fix herself, to heal alone, I was sure something worse would happen. Then I would blame myself because I _could_ have been able to stop it.

So that night, I promised myself, and Edward, that I would do _everything_ in my power to make her as happy as possible.

* * *

**BELLA'S POV.**

Two months had passed, and Jasper and I were closer than ever. He was my best friend, as I was his. He could make me laugh like _that_, and I could talk to him about everything... and everyone, except for a certain person.

As much as I had been trying to heal, I still thought about _him_.

Every single day.

He was like this constant _presence_ around me, and every time I thought I was starting to feel happy again, I would see his face and I'd feel like the wounds I had been sewing were suddenly tearing open. I felt like, like I didn't have the right to be happy if he wasn't with me. Of course, Jasper never knew about any of this, and if he felt the pain I always felt, he did a pretty good job of hiding it.

A honk outside snapped me back to reality. I smiled to myself, knowing perfectly who it was. I grabbed my jacket and threw on a hat over my head, quickly making my way downstairs. I only tripped once this time.

"Bye Charlie!" I yelled, grabbing a granola bar from the kitchen and rushing back out.

"Bye Bells. Say hi to Jasper for me!" He replied. Oh yeah. Charlie seemed to like Jasper a lot more than he's ever liked Ed—

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying my hardest not to block the sudden burst of pain that shot through my body. I had no clue why, but instead of the pain getting better, it was getting worse. Sometimes I felt like it was engulfing me, and I would be paralyzed at the spot, unable to even move. Thankfully, that usually only happened when I was alone at home. Jasper had never seen me at my worst, and I was careful enough to prevent it from happening.

"Are you okay?" Jasper asked curiously, as we got into the car. I liked his car. The seats were plushy and comfortable, and it wasn't as ostentatious as the rest of the Cullens', though it still went pretty fast. No surprise there, speed was practically their aphrodisiac.

I nodded, shooting him a bright smile. One more thing I had learned over the months were that I was exceptionally good at shooting fake smiles. That was definitely shocking, seeing how I was the girl who couldn't even lie her way out of unfinished homework.

He stared at me uncertainly, before he shook his head and dropped the subject. Jasper and I sort of had this unspoken understanding. He never forced me to tell him stuff that I didn't feel comfortable talking about, and vice versa. I knew that he could feel everything that coursed through me, and he knew that I would just start beating myself up all over again if he forced me to tell. But I was already beating myself up pretty badly anyway, figuratively.

I had been also been getting pretty close with Rosalie now too—she was actually rather nice when she wasn't too busy preening in the mirror. I had fallen out with Jessica and Lauren, no surprise there, but I was pretty tight with Angela, seeing how we had nearly every class together now. We pulled up in front of our school, and in a flash, Jasper had held out the door open for me.

_Welcome to hell!_ I thought cheerfully, as I stepped out.

I could feel a few lingering stares focused on us as we walked towards the main entrance. When were they ever going to get sick of it? It had been going on for a few weeks now, and the most intimidating stares usually came from the girls. Still, nobody had ever dared to say anything because well—I was walking with _Jasper_. He could be pretty intimidating himself, when he wanted to be.

He walked me towards my first class, which was English. One of the subjects I actually _enjoyed_. The only thing that I hated about it was the fact that I had World's Most Boring Teacher. At least he didn't spit like those terrible teachers on kid's TV shows. I grimaced at the thought.

"See you tonight?" Jasper asked, once we were at the door. I didn't know why he even bothered asking anymore, though I supposed it had become quite a habit. We spent every Thursday night at the Cullens'. Unfortunately, it had slipped my mind that I would be going out with Angela tonight. I mentally swore at myself for not informing him earlier.

"I'm actually supposed to go to Port Angeles with Angela tonight. Tell the family I'm sorry?" I said apologetically.

"No problem. We wanted to go hunting soon anyway. Guess it'll just be tonight." He grinned, handing me my books.

A few minutes in and I was already zoned out. I think I even fell asleep for a few minutes. My 'nap', however, was rudely disrupted by the sudden audacity of Mr. Mason's voice. Must be something interesting. Mr. Mason _never_ talked at a proper volume, he usually just... droned.

"Students, today we will have a new student joining our class. Please welcome Ms. White!" he announced gleefully, earning a few eye rolls and even more glares. Well, that explained his excitement. A bored looking girl stepped forward, her eyes coolly skimming over each one of us in a way that would have gotten most people intimidated.

"You may take a seat next to Ms. Swan." He continued, motioning my direction. Great. Why did I always land all the bad luck? She looked like another Lauren, only prettier, and taller. She loped towards her seat gracefully— though she was no match for Alice, or even Rosalie for that matter. I didn't even want to imagine what she looked like next to me.

"My name's Avery. I transferred here from New York. " She drawled. I looked up, shocked that she was actually speaking to me. She was pretty alright, with ivory skin and jet-black hair with a fringe that covered her left eye. She dressed really well too.

"Bella." I replied.

"New York? Why'd you come to Forks?" I continued, my curiosity getting the best of me. Obviously, we usually didn't get transfer students here, and I couldn't even imagine why she would want to leave _New York_. Forks was probably like a covent compared to that place.

She shrugged. "My parents move around a lot, and Dad got a job offer offer here."

She wasn't as bitchy as I expected her to be, though she was rather... blunt. We talked through English, and I found out we had a lot in common. So I invited her to sit with us during lunch. Rosalie had been pretty mean at first, but then they started talking fashion, and apparently Avery was 'the luckiest girl ever'. Emmett kept on cracking jokes, causing us all to laugh, and Jasper just seemed amused by the whole scenario.

"Avery seemed really nice. It's great you're making new friends." Rosalie smiled, as she walked me towards Angela's car.

"Yeah, it is. I'll see you tomorrow Rose." I said, as I took my bag from her. The Cullens' had began treating me like I was disabled or something—all of them insisted on carrying whatever I had with me even though I had protested that they shouldn't. Why? I had no clue. But Jasper had insisted. Said it was only fair since I was the only _human _around them.

_That _was one thing that hadn't changed.

* * *

I idly flipped through the small selection of books the Port Angeles bookshop held, not really interested since I already had most of the books they sold. Angela however, was engrossed in some book and barely acknowledged my prescence.

Sighing, my gaze skimmed towards the window. I needed some air.

"Ange, I'm going outside for a walk, okay?" I called out, not waiting for her answer.

The gravel crunched beneath me as I took everything in. The night was silent, the air chilling me to my bones. Then I remembered that I had been standing at this exact spot last year when Edward had... saved me. Automatically, my hands flew up to my sides, it had become a habit now.

I looked around for something to drown my sorrows in, something to distract me, when a flashing red sign caught my eye. I couldn't comprehend what the sign actually said, but my legs were already dragging me that direction. I slammed the door shut behind me as I realized what I had stepped into.

I was in a bar.

As I was about to turn on my heel, a burly man who I assumed was the bartender glared at me.

"Not leaving without a drink?" He asked.

I'm underage. I haven't even had a sip of wine before. Of course I wasn't going to drink.

Then I remembered one of the last words Edward had said to me.

_Don't do anything reckless or stupid. _I could practically hear his velvety voice purr in my ear, just like it was yesterday. I gasped as the pain hit me again, pulling my arms over myself more tightly this time to keep myself together. Again, my feet moved on automatic, and the next thing I knew I was sitting down with a tiny cup of liquid in front of me.

I had no idea how many shots I had downed, but I felt awfully light headed. And free. And wow this guy is so extremely hot. I sighed dreamily. If this was how it felt like to get drunk then it didn't really seem so bad.

I squealed, as I felt a pair of hands tickle me from behind. I was sitting here, with an extremely hot guy, and I didn't even feel guilty about it! Alcohol was my new best friend.

"Let's get out of here." He whispered in my ear, and I nodded.

_Bella's going to get some action tonight! _I thought to myself, still grinning ear to ear.

He tugged my hand, leading me outside and finally stopped in front of a motorcycle. Even better. I had never ridden on a motorcycle before, knowing that Renee would probably pass out and Charlie would ground me for life if he found out, but tonight, I didn't want to care. Tonight was about _me_! And fun!

I pulled on my helmet and got on, wrapping my arms around his waist and giggling drunkenly. Everything looked so preeetttttyyyy! I squealed again, when the motorcycle kicked off, savouring the cold air on my now heated skin. Mmmm,_ this_ was fun. I giggled again, the adrenaline was rushing through me like a drug, I felt like kicking up my feet and screaming.

_Oh my god I am soooo wasted!_ I told myself. But I didn't care. Maybe this boy, George, John, Jack? I couldn't place a finger on his name. Whatever. Anyway, maybe this boy would finally make me forget.

**_You got to burn your lips, keep your feelings alive._**

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**YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW :)**


	7. Every Me, Every You

**A/N:** Okay, really? 9 reviews on the last chapter? I've already got 41 story alerts, 25 favourites and only 39 reviews? Come on. Is it so hard to review after you alert/fav my story? I know you guys may think I'm really whiny but it really ticks me off when people fav/alert and don't review. Like... what's the point? On a brighter note, to you people who have been constantly reviewing, you guys ROCK, and this chapter's for you. Oh and to all my friends reading this (tesh, jasmine, etc) haha. HI YOU LOSERS :D enjoy the story!

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**Chapter Five.**

**_Whenever your will starts crashing down_**

**JASPER'S POV**

_Where the hell could she be?_

That was the only thing than ran through my head after I had gotten the phone call from a very distressed sounding Angela. This was all my fault. I should have been keeping an eye on her instead of going out _hunting._ Giving in to her request had been a mistake when I already predicted that something bad would happen. This was _Bella_ after all. She was a walking advert for danger.

Slamming my foot down on my accelerator, I willed for the car to go faster, even though I was already well past the speed limit. Not like that was a problem since hitting into anything would be ridiculous to even think about—we vampires probably drove as well, if not better, then those professional racers.

God, she better be alright… where could she possibly have went?

Without any warning, a motorcycle nearly ran into my already speeding car. _Crap._ I swerved just in time, missing the vehicle my a few centimetres. The tires squealed against the wet concrete when my peripheral vision caught sight of a girl who looked oddly familiar. Long brown hair, standard black jacket, fragile almost breakable figure—horror lurched through me as the recognition dawned.

It was Bella.

Isabella Swan was riding on the back of a motorcycle.

A string of curse words fluently flew through my mouth as I sped up again, overtaking the small, shiny vehicle in the process. Jerking to a stop, I pushed open the door, blind with anger. Where did she get off riding with this guy? Did she even _know_ him?

"Hey man, get off the road!" The boy snapped, pulling to a halt in front of me. He had shaggy black hair framing his green eyes and a lip piercing. A lip piercing! As far as I could remember, Bella didn't seem to know anyone who had that. Since when was she _into_ that kind of thing?

"Bella, you're coming home _now_." I growled, enunciating each word clearly. The boy rolled his eyes, and I briefly contemplated whacking this guy up into a bloody pulp. No, that certainly wouldn't have ended well, tempting as it was. What had gotten into Bella anyway? She wasn't even moving.

"Bella…" I snarled, sounding scarier than I had expected to. Well, it served her right. And he, well, he _should_ feel fear. If she was hurt… my teeth clenched together as I tried keeping my hands to myself. A waft of alcohol hit my nose, and it didn't take a rocket scientist to put it together. She was pissed drunk. Wasted. Off in her own little world. Now I was angry at _her_. Did she not see enough 'what happens when you're drunk' commercials? Apparently not.

"I don't wanna go. I'm having fun." She squealed, and then giggled profusely. Drunk _and_ acting like a complete bimbo.

"Look, just leave her alone man." The guy drawled. His emotions were radiating off him freely now. Annoyance, lust, anger, lust and more lust. I snarled under my breath, knowing perfectly well that he could hear me. His eyes widened as he raised up his hands in defeat.

_Control yourself Jasper_; _you've gotten way too far to murder him. _I was suddenly quite thankful for the self control I only recently possessed. Instead I grabbed Bella under her shoulders and slung her over my back. She kicked and screamed, refusing, but there was no way I was letting her stay with that creep.

"Come near her again, and I will personally wring your neck. Is that clear?" I turned towards him calmly, the venom evident in my voice.

"Crystal." He nodded, swallowing a huge breath of air before revving up his engine. The fear he felt hit me and I smiled grimly. Yeah, he had definitely gotten the picture.

I placed Bella in the passenger seat, still seething. She would definitely get her fair share of my anger alright. Of course, it was useless lecturing her now when she was wasted. I'd do it after the hangover I knew she would have tomorrow. The hangover itself would be lesson enough for her anyway.

Now what was I supposed to do? If I sent her back to Charlie's tonight all hell would break loose… and however angry I was at her she still didn't deserve that wrath, or maybe I just didn't have it in me to watch her cry again. Whatever it was, she couldn't go back there tonight.

_There was only one other option. _I thought grimly, as I made my way back to Forks. She had been over to our house plenty of times, but ever since Edward had... left, she still couldn't bring herself to stay over. Rosalie had begged her countless times but she said it just brought her back memories she had been trying so hard to surface. Well, looked like tonight she didn't have a choice.

"Jasper… do you like me as more than a friend?" she suddenly slurred, her voice strangely childlike. She was _definitely _wasted. That could be the only reason for the random question she had decided to ask. A question that I wasn't going to answer.

"You're drunk." I simply said, keeping my eyes on the sprawling road in front of me. I took the left that would lead us to the house, feeling strangely exasperated with her question. Why? I couldn't quite comprehend. Even if Alice was gone, my feelings for her were stronger than ever. Time makes the absence frow fonder right? But when I was with Bella… I could just let myself go. I felt free.

That's because she's just my best friend; I assured myself and nodded confidently.

Yeah, nothing more.

I leaned over to unbuckle her seatbelt, listening with interest at the words that were spilling out of her mouth, each making less sense then the last. She wasn't completely asleep, not yet, but I had a feeling that she thought she was. Maybe she thought she was dreaming or something.

"Cat!" she murmured, giggling. I smirked, easily scooping her up bridal style and slamming the door with my other hand.

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**BELLA'S POV**

Ugh. What was this hideous throbbing in my head? I felt like a pin cushion. Did someone get into my brain to stick millions of needles into my head or something? And where was I? Why were the pillows so unbelievably soft? What had happened last night?!

"Hey! Girl gone wild's finally awake!" A chirpy voice said annoyingly loudly in my ear.

"Go away Rosalie." I groaned, burying my head back into the pillow. Hopefully it would soften the blow of the throbbing in my head.

"Ah, your very first hangover. Here's some coffee." She grinned, pushing a steaming mug towards my head. God, had she always been so annoyingly pushy? Oh wait. She was Rosalie, of course she had. I sipped slowly, trying to recall last night events, remembering nothing but a countless amount of shots I had drank.

"What happened last night?" I mumbled, taking another swig of the coffee. Wasn't doing much justice for my head, but at least it was doing it's job on my rumbling stomach. Right, I had forgotten to get dinner.

"Why don't you ask Jasper?" she asked, her smile fading now. Uh-oh.

On cue, he entered the room, looking positively livid. I had done something bad? Hadn't I? Drunkedness always ended up with something bad. I racked my memory for even the slightest clue to what had happened last night, only thinking of the word cat. Right. Like that was going to help.

"Erm...hi?" I said in a tiny voice, feeling like a rat that was about to get eaten by a cat. I should have gone back to sleep when I got the chance.

"You can't recall? First, you got drunk. Then, you decided to go off with some random stranger on his motorcycle and then you refuse to come home. That's where I came in of course." He thundered, murder in his words. If looks could kill, I would have been dead. Painfully killed and dead. My eyes darted around the room, looking for an escape route. But he was leaning directly in front of the door, preventing me from going anywhere.

"Did you learn _nothing_? What if I hadn't been there?" He hissed, his voice softening. His eyes were still flashing angrily at me, but I knew that was because he was worried that I would have gotten hurt.

"Of course I've learned... drinking just felt like the most suitable thing to do then. What matters is that you were." I said quietly, finally remembering why I had entered the bar in the first place. I flinched at the memory, gritting my teeth together to keep myself from telling Jasper the entire truth.

He strided towards the huge bed I was in, sitting on the edge of the pink sheets (The bed was definitely Rosalie's) and gave an exasperated sigh.

"Look... I know I don't probe you to tell me things if you don't want to, but if it's gotten this far I might just have to. It kills me to see you so broken sometimes. You may think I don't notice it but I do. The things you feel, I feel them all too." He confessed, meeting my eyes.

I didn't know how to react to his confession. Talking to him about him would just tear open my wounds all over again, and I would just break down publicly which I had been trying so hard to avoid. I always knew that he felt what I did, but like I said, we had an unspoken agreement.

"I'm... I'm sorry that you have to feel my pain." I paused, choosing my words carefully. "But I can't talk about him. Every night I have all these twisted dreams where it always ends badly for him, and just thinking about him makes my heart shatter. So, even if I want too... I just can't. It hurts too much." I choked out, blinking rapidly so the tears wouldn't fall.

"Whatever you say." He agreed, as his cool hand gently stroked my cheek.

Then he had walked away.

**_That's where you'll find me._**

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**A/N:** It's a little short, cause I'm still kinda mad at the fact that I got 9 reviews when I asked for ten -_- serves you guys right! I'm too lazy to read over this thing and edit all my sentence structures/grammar/etc. I'll be doing that tomorrow or later cause I'm really tired so forgive me for any weird sounding sentences. Anyhoo, the next chapter will be updated by Monday and it's sure to be REALLY long cause I'll be leaving to the States on Tuesday until the 28th. So no updates till then cause I won't be bringing my lappie.

A review a day keeps the doctor away! ^_^ xoxoxoxo.


	8. Now That We're Done

**A/N:** Ew I REALLY REALLY REALLY hated this chapter. Since so many people asked where Alice was, I added her in. It was the only fun part to write. Evil Alice! Oh, and please tell me if you think J&B are moving too fast, cause it's already chapter 8 and I thought I should just start their romance already. And sorry for the sentence errors, I'm getting way too lazy to edit everything all over again plus I hate typing on Word cause it's a bitch sometimes.

LASTLY, THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REVIEWS I'VE BEEN GETTING! Love you guys like crazy and please DONT stop reviewing or I'll write a super short chapter though this wasn't exactly long. I SWEAR i will update again tmrw if I get lots of reviews! And tomorrow's my last day... so :)

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**Chapter Eight.**

**_Show me anger, fierce fist, clutching onto air_**

I didn't know how long Jasper and I stopped talking-- time just seemed unimportant anymore and I had stopped counting the days a long time ago. A little over a month, I think. With Jasper gone, the emptiness just spread all over again. I missed him tremendously. My sleepless nights were back, appetite was lost. In short, I was the messed up Bella all over again.

We saw each other at school, we even still sat at the same table, but he just regarded me with an impenetrable stare. Every single painstakingly slow day. I, of course, didn't know what to do, but I knew I _had _to do something. The numbness I was so afraid of was overwhelming me again. And for the first time, it wasn't because of Edward. It was now because of Jasper Whitlock Hale that I was now falling apart.

The door to the Girls' toilet creaked open, and my head snapped up in shock. I had been sitting here for the past hour, in an attempt to avoid going to gym. I lied to Ms. Blake and said that it was my time of the month, which gained me an excuse slip. I was supposed to go to the library, but hey, at least I was better then the people who used the slip to ditch school.

A memory hit me, so clear it almost seemed like it was happening. I got them a lot now, way too frequently for my liking. I supposed that was the only way I could ever keep a piece of Edward with me anymore.

* * *

_"Bella, this is for you." He said, handing me a small red velvet box. I groaned, Edward knew I despised getting presents._

_"Come on, it's Christmas! Of course I'd get my girlfriend a present." he retorted, as my favorite crooked smile curved on his perfect lips. Damn, why had I told him that he dazzled me? Now he would just use it to his advantage... as usual._

_"Fine." I muttered, snatching the box away away from him. I slowly opened it, revealing the prettiest necklace I had ever seen in my entire life. It was a slim silver chain with a heart in the middle, and in the heart, there was a small engraving._

_"My forever." I read aloud, my eyes glistening with tears. Funny how simple words like that could bring so much emotion. _

_"You like it?" He asked quietly, his thumb lightly pressing below my eyelid. _

_"I love it. I love you." I whispered, smiling. His face lit up in a grin as he deftly fastened the necklace around my neck._

_"You are my life, Bella Swan." His cool breath was in my ear, before he pulled away._

* * *

The tears started again, as my body quivered uncontrollably. I cried for myself, for Edward, and for Jasper. I was so confused with everything. Did Jasper's absence make me cognizant of the buried feelings I had for him? I heard someone rap on my door, and I rubbed away my tears quickly. That was the downside of mourning in the toilet-- somebody always found you eventually.

"What?" I snapped, trying to sound angry, but the crack in my voice gave me away. How naive to think that I had been healing. Here I was sitting in the girls toilet, all alone, crying my little heart out. Jasper had been the only thing that was keeping me together, but now that we weren't talking either, why should I pretend to heal anymore?

"Bella? Is that you? You've been in there for ages. Come out!" Kayla's voice called through the door. She was the only one who knew I ditched class in here. This toilet was usually abandoned, but she had entered one day, not knowing that it was, and heard me crying. We never mentioned it, but she knew.

"No." I yelled back. I didn't want to come out. Sure, we were good friends, but she should really learn how to mind her own business. If I didn't want to come out, I didn't want to come out and there was really nothing she could do about it.

"Fine, then I'm getting Rosalie," she said, finality in her voice. Oh crap, no. She couldn't get Rosalie. Rosalie was probably able to knock this door down without even trying. AND she would come find me here everyday, trying to get me to my senses. I sighed, pushing the door open and folding my arms against each other.

"You're a mess. Anyway, Jasper's looking for you." She stated, shrugging. She still didn't know that Jasper and I weren't talking, she only assumed that I was too miserable to talk to him or something. I didn't blame her-- this cubicle was practically my second home now. Why on Earth would Jasper be looking for me? I remembered the words Rosalie had told me a few days ago.

_"He still cares for you, whether you want him to or not. You should just talk to him, I think he understands."_

It was my fault we had stopped talking really. We weren't angry at each other, things were just awkward after that conversation in Rosalie's bedroom. And we eventually stopped. I didn't want to talk to Jasper about Edward. Sure, I could say his name without hurting now but I didn't know what that meant and I refused to talk to _anyone_ about him. I knew the Cullens' were his family, but my memories of him were mine, and only mine to keep. Sharing them would make them impersonal, not only mine anymore, but theirs too.

"Where's Jasper?" I sighed, deciding that I really should go see him and try to fix things. I needed to. I couldn't fall apart all over again, for the third time in only a mere few months.

"Why, he's right outside the girls bathroom." Kayla winked, and I rolled my eyes, too exhausted to think of a comeback. I slowly walked out, and noticed Jasper leaning across one of the lockers, tapping his foot impatiently. The sight filled me with relief, and I felt the wounds closing again. He strode quickly towards me, speaking before I even opened my mouth.

"Finally! I have something extremely important to tell you." He started, his voice thick with anger, but his face giving nothing away. It was a familiar expression-- the Cullens' usually used it when... I was in trouble.

Oh God.

"W-who's after me now? Victoria?" I breathed, suddenly feeling faint. Don't tell me... Victoria was back? That could be the only person right? I mean, as far as I knew, I wasn't on anybody else's hit list. Little did I know that something bigger than Victoria was awaiting me.

"Not Victoria. Alice-- Alice, and the Volturi." He said grimly. What the hell was he going on about? Who was the Volturi? Then I remembered Edward telling me about the only way vampires could die. By seeing the Volturi. But why would Alice trying to be committing suicide? And why on Earth would she bring them back here to Forks, from Italy? I was thorougly confused now.

"Alice wants to commit suicide?" I asked curiously, and Jasper rolled his eyes, exasperated. He certainly wasn't helping by rolling his eyes and looking at me like I was a total idiot. He could at least fill me in on this!

"No. Alice _joined_the Volturi. She's back now, alone. But she has some things to say to you... to us." He said, his voice deadly soft. What? Alice... my best friend had joined the Volturi? Why... why would she do such a thing? The room felt like it was closing in on me, my breathing quickened as I processed his news. Whatever it was, I needed to talk to her. No matter how dangerous she was, or how much she blamed me... she was still _my_ friend. I needed to talk to her.

"Okay. Let's... we'll see her now." I said, trying to sound like I wasn't terrified inside. Not of what she would do to me, but what she was going to say. I followed Jasper out of the school, barely registering that we had already gotten to the car. He took one look at my tense body and swiftly carried me into the passenger seat, helping me with my seatbelt, before getting to his own.

"We'll be fine." He murmured, once we pulled up in front of the mansion. I nodded, still feeling numb. Alice danced out of the house, and a warm sense of familiarity washed over me. She still looked exactly the same-- short pixielike hair, complete grace. Then I noticed her eyes. Crimson red.

And I knew. No matter how much I wished for things to be back to normal, it was not and it would never be. To her, I was the girl who had aided in her brother's death.

"Alice..." I started, trying to apologize for everything I had done. To all the grief I had caused her. But she cut me off as she planted a slap on my cheek that caused my head to jerk sideways in pain.

"You. little. bitch." She snarled. "First, Edward, and then you fall for my fucking _husband_?! And you wonder why I joined the Volturi." She looked at Jasper when she said her last sentence. I touched my cheek, shocked beyond belief. Yes, I knew that she blamed me for Edward but I hadn't done a thing with Jasper! Sure, he had helped me heal... and I had to admit, sometimes I wondered if he had feelings for me, because I think I was starting to have some for him. Then I remembered Alice, and that it was selfish, so I tried not to think it too much. Now, I wasn't so sure.

"Don't you dare touch her again." Jasper snarled, I felt a shiver run up my spine at the venom in his voice.

"I'll do whatever I please. Oh, by the way? Victoria will be back. Maybe not now, but she'll definitely be back." She trilled, smiling lazily. Fear coursed through my bones at Victoria's name. The night James had lured me into the ballet studio still haunted me in my sleep. I knew she would be back eventually, but the way Alice said it... she made it sound like Victoria was already _here_.

"Why-- why did you join the Volturi?" I asked, finally finding my voice.

"Well, when I went to Denali, Aro came to visit. He asked me to join them again. Since I didn't want to come back here, I decided to go there. Besides, now I've got power. Plus, Jane is a perfect shopping companion-- unlike you. _And_ I can hunt humans. Yummy. But there's also a bigger reason. But well, I shan't tell." She murmured, sounding very happy with herself. I felt like I didn't even know her anymore, which, I guess, now I didn't.

"I guess I'll be off now. Places to go, people to see. Bye honey." She glided past me and kissed Jasper on the cheek, evoking a ferocious growl from him.

Then she was gone.

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JASPER'S POV

Bella was distraught after Alice's visit. Days had passed, and I could tell that she was trying not to think about it, that she was trying to be strong. Her facade didn't work on me though, I already knew it too well. After Alice's visit, her warm hand had found mine, and she had gripped it with all her might, the only words coming out of her mouth being "I'm scared."

She was more then scared. The girl was terrified. Alice was officially gone, Victoria was coming back. We didn't have a future teller or a mind reader anymore, which meant that we didn't have much of an advantage. But I was surprised to see that she hadn't asked me about the husband stealing part. How could she be stealing me when _I _was the one who wanted _her_? Of course, I could still remember the question she asked me when she was wasted. The one I refused to answer. A small part of me was sure that sometimes she wanted me too, but then again, she was _drunk_.

We were in my bedroom, she was sitting on my couch, looking listlessly up at the ceiling. Her legs were pulled up against her neck. I knew that these were one of the times where she would not talk to me, regardless of what I tried to say. I slowly sat next to her, and she turned to look at me.

"Jasper... thanks for everything. I think your the only thing that's keeping me from going completely insane right now. The last month, I swear I think I've been a complete zombie." she shot me a broken smile. She _was_ a complete zombie. Just because I hadn't been talking to her didn't mean I hadn't been keeping an eye on her in classes and such. I had been at the point where I just wanted to walk up to her and pull her into a hug.

"Bella, you're _already_ insane. It's part of your charm." I told her, dodging the second part of her statement. She hit me playfully with her pillow as she stretched her legs onto my lap.

Her eyebrows knitted together, and I knew she was thinking of how to ask an important question.

"Just spit it out." I said.

"Do you think that Edward would hate me if I fell in love again?" She asked carefully. I knew she was trying to pick out the correct words to use but what was she implying? That she had fallen for someone? Don't tell me she had met someone and loved him in only a month!

"I think he would want you to be happy." I told her, and she nodded. Then her eyes glazed over, and I knew that she was off in her own little world again.

"D'you... d'you remember what I asked you when I was um... drunk?" She flushed slightly at the memory, but I knew which question she was referring to. The one I had been thinking about only a few seconds ago. Confusion was radiating off her, alongside with some other feeling I couldn't quite place.

"Yeah. Why?" I asked calmly. How could I forget? Hell,_ I_ asked myself that question every day. A

"Answer it." she shot back, her chocolate brown eyes meeting mine. They glinted, and I could just tell that she was daring me to answer. What scared me was I didn't know what answer _she_ would want. Would she shrink away if I told her the truth? Or if I lied?

_Just tell her you idiot. She deserves to know, no matter what she thinks of you. _A voice in my head countered.

**_Show me anything, just show me you care  
_**

**REEEEEEEEEEEEEVIEW :)**

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	9. The New Bella

**A/N:** Please don't kill me for the 2 short chapters I've been writing. It's 5:30 am here and my flight tomorrow is at 3:00 pm so be glad I'm even writing this at all! My best friend Tesha has been bugging me to update all night though I've been busy. So this chapter's for her. Everything is in Bella's POV... just cause I felt like it and I'm really sorry if you don't like it. I wanted to continue, but I just figured I'll leave you guys hanging until I get back in two weeks. I know, how evil of me. And as always, thank you guys so much for all the reviews I get. You guys are the ones who inspire me to go on. CONTINUE OKAY? Who knows... maybe I'll even get past 100 by the time I write Chapter 10 since i'll be gone two weeks! Well, here it is...

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Chapter Nine.

_You're sick of feeling numb, you're not the only one._

**BELLA'S POV**

I watched Jasper expectantly, my heart palpitating so fast it was threatening to escape from my chest. For such an unexpected question to be sprung on him, he was still infuriatingly calm. A pit of fear begin forming in my stomach—I didn't think I could bear his rejection, if he was about to reject me. Damn it, why was he taking such a long amount of time to answer? This was _killing_ me.

"You should know how I feel about you by now. Alice's vision probably gave you a hint, after all." Jasper finally murmured, pain on his face as he remembered the recent encounter with Alice. Yeah, I had been thinking about what she had meant too. She had obviously seen me and Jasper like, together or something.

Then I grasped the meaning in Jasper's words, and Alice's vision.

He felt the same about me. Why else would she have gotten the idea that we were… together unless we actually were? A surge of happiness flew through me as I realized that my feelings for him were returned.

"Good… cause, I like you too. A lot." I smiled up at him, inching myself closer towards his cold body. _Like_. The word sounded so unimportant. It made me sound like I was in grade school or something, and a cute boy had just given me candy. Yet, unimportant as it sounded, it could either make or break somebody. That was the scariest part about words. Unimportant as they were, they were still somehow... important.

But that was the complete truth.

I _liked _Jasper Hale. A lot. I didn't love him, not yet, but I knew I could grow to love him eventually. Not just because he was incessantly nice to me, but because he could make me laugh like nobody else could, he could talk to me for endless hours about pure nonsense and… he made me feel like the _only_ person in the world when I was around him. We were best friends. We were simple. We were just—us.

"Come here." He said, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and closing the distance between us. A tingle ran down my spine as I relaxed against his lean body. It felt so good to feel like this again, like nothing in the world was ever going to hurt me again. I felt _safe_ here. I tried to push out the guilt I still felt, attempting to savor this moment.

"Do you think we'll work? As an us?" I asked, peering up at him. Much as I was enjoying this, there were still minor setbacks. Okay, not exactly minor-- but definitely setbacks. There was still Alice, his wife, and my uncontrollable memory flashes and... he was still Edward's brother. I knew Edward would want me to be happy but I doubt he wanted me to be happy with his very own _brother_. That was betrayal at its worst. I pushed Jasper back, suddenly feeling unsure about what I would be getting myself into.

I would be happy, sure. But the guilt would eat me to my core. No matter how much I wanted to... I just _couldn't_.

"I'm really sorry. I've got to get out of here." I muttered, quickly walking out before he could say a word. I ran downstairs, the tears already beginning to fly down my cheeks.

"Bella, what's wrong? Tell me." He appeared in front of me, weighing my shoulders down with his heavy arms.

_Of course he would follow me._ I thought bitterly to myself. He was making it so much harder for me, for him. I wanted nothing but for him to be happy, and yet it was me who was hurting him. I knew I was being selfish, putting him through all this for _my _sake. He should be out there, trying to fix things with Alice. Instead, here I was, unable to decide between him or myself. He had been around me as long as Edward had, yet I had never really _understood_ him until late. That was the only good thing that had come out of Edward's death-- he had brought me Jasper.

I looked up at him, his beauty nearly smothering me. His eyes, holding the pain he had been through for all these years, were trained on me. I hadn't realized how beautiful he was until now. His beauty wasn't as extragavant as Edward's-- it was more subtle. But now, looking at him, there was no doubt about it... he was definitely better looking then Edward had ever been.

That only made it worse.

I had once asked him how he had been changed into a vampire, and he told me everything. He had lied his way to become a soldier, met Maria, who put him through all that torture-- before he finally met Alice, who had taught him how to love again.

I was being selfish, I was being unkind.

"I'm sorry." I muttered again, quickly running outside where my truck was waiting. I started up my engine, and shot a sad smile at his direction. I could tell he was confused, and sad, and... it was all my fault. Again

I headed home, the thick tears obscuring my vision. I didn't bother trying pushing them away. Why did I always get myself into these majorly messed up situations? My body tersed as the numbness took over me again. No. No, no no. I didn't want the numb. I wanted pain. I wanted hurt. Anything but this. I drove faster, hoping the adrenaline would maybe stir up fear in me. Still, nothing.

Then I saw it. A red light. I slammed my foot on the accelerator, causing my truck to roar even louder. Taking a deep breath, I zoomed past the red light, hoping maybe breaking a rule or two would evoke the fear in me but still nothing. Adrenaline wasn't helping. I needed something stronger.

Pain. I needed pain.

* * *

I had never been able to understand why people self mutilated themselves. In fact, I had lost count of how many times I had complained about it to Edward when we were having movie nights. Then, I had came to the conclusion that it was only for the attention. I honestly couldn't fathom why somebody would want to run a blade through their wrist, or set themselves on fire or whatever they did. Now, I think I knew why they did it. Because they wanted to _feel _something, like I did. Maybe they too, had been numb and just wanted to feel real again.

I could have laughed at the irony of the situation. Here I was, turning into the kind of person I had promised myself to never become.

Taking a deep breath, I squeezed my eyes shut and ran the tiny silver instrument across my wrist. I didn't go too deep, I just wanted to distinguish the pain. It worked; a burst of pain shot through my body, and I smiled to myself.

I was still normal.

I cleaned off the blade before skipping downstairs to make Charlie his dinner. We didn't talk much anymore, besides the occasional 'How was work?' and 'You should really make more friends now that _he's_ gone.' Sighing, I pulled out the utensils I would need to make spaghetti. The TV was blaring, Charlie was probably watching another game or something. I hadn't even known he was back from work already.

"Bells, we really need to talk." He said during dinner, and I froze, my fork in mid-air. Don't tell me he had seen what I had done earlier. No, he was downstairs, watching his game. It couldn't be about that.

"What about, Dad?" I asked tersely, my eyes narrowing.

"You. Bella, I'm worried about you. You're grades are slipping, you're talking to me less-"

"I'm fine." I interrupted, as I tried to think of a plausible excuse to his statements.

"You're not."

I opened my mouth to contradict him, but he held up a finger in warning.

"You aren't fooling me Bells. I've been letting you get away with it... but if your grades don't go up, and you keep moping around like this, I'll send you back to Jacksonville." He finished, matching my steely glare with his own. What _was_ it with parents? Couldn't they just leave their kids in peace?!

"Screw off. My grades will go up, and if you decide to send me to Jacksonville, I won't go. I do have friends you know." I bit out harshly, pushing back my chair and stomping up towards my room.

"You're grounded." I heard him yell before I slammed the door shut. Yeah, grounded. Like that was gonna do anything to me. He knew his grip over me, his little daughter, was slipping. Grounding me wasn't going to do a thing. In fact, I think I would just rebel out. That was what_ normal_ teenagers did right? Since he wanted me to be normal. Fine.

"Kayla? Hey. Do you want to follow me to the hairdressers? Yeah, pick me up. But be discreet about it." I flipped my phone shut, a smirk plastered on my face. Oh, I would be _so_ normal he wouldn't be able to stand me.

* * *

A few minutes later, I was in Forks' one and only hair salon. It was small, but it would do the job. It wasn't like I wasn't looking for something fancy anyway. I gulped, as the hairdresser (whose name was Mary), scrutinized my hair, tutting every few seconds. I was actually going to go through with this.

I had managed to sneak out, using the tree outside my window that Edward and Jasper always used to sneak in. Surprisingly, it hadn't been as difficult as I had expected it to be, and my clumsiness hadn't gotten the best of me. I know-- I was shocked too. But now that I was here... I felt unsure. But I couldn't back out. Everyone still thought of me as this fragile little breakable girl. I didn't want to be her anymore. I wanted to start new. Reinvent myself. This was the only way.

"How long has it been since your last hair cut?" she asked in a disapproving tone. I shrugged nonchalantly. Hell, _I_ couldn't even remember the last time. It had been back when I was in Florida I think. I didn't recall ever being in this place before, though Alice might have cut my hair a couple of times.

"Just make me look different... _really_ different. Like, mess with me and I'll kill you different." I told her, as she produced a large pair of scissors. Kayla's eyes widened at my comment, but I just gave her a reassuring smile. She snipped and trimmed for what seemed like hours, and even brought me to wash my hair a couple of times. What on Earth was she doing to it? She better not be making me some bleach blonde bimbo or something. She wasn't allowing me to look at the mirror until my 'transformation was complete.'

"And voila!" She shouted, nearly causing me to toppl over in shock. She spinned my chair around so I could catch a glimpse of my expression. For some reason, she reminded me of Alice. Alice would have taken a field day if she knew that I was doing this. Actually, she would have given me a 2 hour long lecture on why I should have just gone to her instead of wasting my money here. A sharp pang of sadness hit me as I remembered how she used to be. My best friend.

"Hello?" The lady chided, and I looked up.

I nearly fainted when I saw my reflection. My hair hadn't been cut much, it was left at mid back now, but that wasn't the part that shocked me.

She had dyed it jet-black, with a few honey highlights amidst it. It complemented my pale skin, making me look more... edgy somehow. And it made me look mysterious, like the kind of girl you who would never fully reveal herself to people she didn't really trust.

"You look so different!" Kayla squealed, hugging me.

"I know." I simply said.

I _loved_ it.

I thanked the lady, paid cash and made my way out with Kayla (who wouldn't shut up about how cool I looked). The instant I opened the door, I found myself nearly colliding into someone who felt very familiar. Rock hard body, way taller then me.

I peered up slowly, to be met by a pair of butterscotch eyes that I knew could only belong to one person.

"Jasper." I breathed, suddenly feeling ridiculously self conscious... and scared.

**_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all  
_**

****

_

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	10. I Want You

**A/N: **I'm back! Just arrived yesterday, I spent New Year's in the plane. Sad innit? Anyway, here's chapter ten. I'm not too proud of this one because I'm sort of having writer's block. It'd be great if you guys offered me some ideas for the next chapter, even though I've got the main storyline plotted out. Also, thanks for reviewing everyone! 13 more reviews than I had wanted. I LOVE YOU GUYS! Oh, and I might not be able to update every one/2 days anymore cause school's starting in 2 days and yeah. But I'll still be updating at least once a week of course!

and **herestolife222**: here's the lyrics, i pasted them from google. they're in the song i have downloaded though. i don't know, maybe their album version is different or something. anyway, here it is.

You think that no one needs you.  
You have nothing to see through.  
Well I need you.  
I need you.  
Don't count, let's fight?  
**Show me anger, fierce fist, clutching on to air, show me anything, just show me you care.**

* * *

**Chapter Ten.**

**_You're like an Indian summer, in the middle of winter_**

**JASPER POV**

I stared at her in disbelief. Her brown eyes were wide and fear was written all over her face. I could feel it too, slowly creeping into my skin. Yeah, _now _she was scared. Like I could have done anything to _her_. My mouth was unable to form coherent words as I took her in.

Sure, she looked good, not that she hadn't before but now she looked… unbelievably _hot_. She had always been more of the fragile beauty, rather than the dark, mysterious girl you wouldn't want to mess with. She didn't look like the innocent Bella I knew and loved, now, she looked like some pale faced seductress who could do anything and everything she wanted to do. She looked… bad. Hell, I wouldn't even have been able to recognize her if it hadn't been for her scent. But she was still my Bella.

"Kayla. I'll take Bella home. You can leave now." I managed to keep my voice calm, even though my feelings were all jumbled up. Part of me was mad, part of me was sad... and part of me was just plain exasperated. How could she have even allowed Bella to do that?!

She shrugged, pulling out her keys and walking briskly towards her car. I was being nice and she was still afraid of me. I smirked at myself thinking what it would have been like if I had decided to be mean. She would probably have checked herself into a mental institution or something. I turned away from Kayla's retreating figure and looked down at the girl in front of me.

"You're angry." Bella whimpered, pulling her coat tighter over her. Was it me, or did she look way too thin too? I made a mental note to make her eat more next time. I knew this was all because of Edward… but, I loved her too. And she didn't have a clue how much she was killing me. Or maybe she did, and she just didn't care. Either way, it hurt. Funny how a simple human girl could make me feel all these conflicting feelings. With Alice, things had been easy. She had known I was coming before I had known her, we had fallen in love-- it was expected after all, it would have happened even if I didn't want it too. One thing I had learned: you don't bet against a psychic.

But I wasn't mad _at_ her. That, I wasn't.

"Not at you, just at the things you're doing." I murmured, wrapping an arm around her. Her body shook violently at my sudden touch. Then I remembered she was a human, and she was still capable of feeling cold. That made my hand drop like_ I_ had been burned.

"I just needed the change, that's all. Let's go home." She said, the corner of her lips curving up into a smile as she took my hand. I didn't try and argue, not wanting to make the situation worse. She was all that mattered anyway.

I waited patiently in her room as she cleaned herself up, entertaining myself with the small selection of CD's she kept. That girl really needed to be exposed to more music. I frowned, scanning the CD in my hand, before dropping it back into the pile. Yeah, a mix of songs would definitely educate her well. She finally emerged in the room, wearing an oversized sweatshirt and shorts, looking exhausted.

"Hey." I smiled, in spite of myself. I pushed the drawer shut and she flopped down onto the bed next to me, like it was the most natural thing in the world. It was definitely growing to be, what with me being here every night. I stared at her as a sigh escaped her lips.

"I'm sorry I'm always acting like a total letdown. You're the only thing that's getting me through this you know. I would be so much worse off without you." She began, smiling up at me and I laced my fingers through her warm ones. That smile—my defenses fell all over again. I didn't know why, nor did I know how, but it did.

"It's alright. Go to sleep, Bella." I brushed my lips on her forehead, as she buried herself into my chest. Minutes later and I could hear her steady breathing. If this were her way of healing, I would just have to deal with it.

The night was full of her sleep talking again. I had my iPod glued into my ears, as usual, to drown out her words and the silence. It didn't feel right to be here with her and listen to her talk in her sleep at the same time. In the day, when she was at the Cullens' or in my car it was fine, but this was her room and she deserved the privacy she got before she had met Edward.

Dawn came quickly, or maybe I was just getting too used to this routine. It was a Saturday, which meant she got to sleep in. I waited until it was 9 before I shook her gently to wake her up. I was getting bored, listening to music since 10pm the night before. She stirred, but her eyes were still shut.

"Bella honey, wake up." I murmured, shaking her again.

"Gerroffme." She muttered, evoking a smile out of me.

"Come on Bella... it's already 2pm. I'm leaving if you don't wake up." I said, causing her eyes to snap open in shock.

"WHAT? 2am? How long did I sleep?" she asked, suddenly fully alert. I grinned cheekily, and she realized what I had done. She punched me on the arm, which didn't hurt- at all- because she punched like a human.

"OUCH!" She scowled, clutching her fist as she glared at me-- I was still smiling at her antics. She was such a grump in the morning, it was sometimes hilarious. Of course then she got even grumpier... but at least I got a laugh.

"Sorry. But you refused to wake up. Come on, get ready." I urged, and despite the fact that she was annoyed with me, she agreed. She reappered wearing some hippy flowery dress and leggings. To suit her new look perhaps? I didn't know. Clothes weren't my thing anyway. I noticed that she was wearing more makeup too-- extra eyeliner and a reddish lip thing.

I took her to the Port Angeles bookstore, the one place where I knew she could stay in for hours. I waited patiently as she flipped through book after book, when a blonde girl approached me. I assumed she was going to look at the books on the shelf I was leaning on, and shifted my position a little bit.

"Thanks, but I actually just wanted to ask for your number," she said, her lips curving up into a teasing smile. I looked up at her, surprised. I was used to people staring, but none of them had actually been brave enough to come up and talk to me-- or anyone in my family for that matter, but especially me.

Just then, Bella approached us, an unreadable expression on her face. She clutched her book tightly, and I sensed anger coming off her.

"What's going on?" she asked, her voice tight. I opened my mouth to explain when the blonde girl cut me off.

* * *

**BELLA'S POV**

"Oh, I was just asking for his number. I'm sorry, are you his girlfriend?" she asked, her voice polite. I knew this feeling, it was jealousy. Even though I was stuck in limbo, liking Jasper and still loving Edward, I still felt like if Jasper left me I would fall to pieces. He was like a drug now, and I knew it was inevitable that I would get over Edward soon. Surprisingly, I wanted to get over Edward. I wanted to move on, to love Jasper.

I wanted him to love me.

I contemplated my answer for a moment while Jasper wore an amused expression on his face. Damn. Why couldn't he answer the question? Probably because he thought that if he said yes I would get mad and if he said no well... I would get mad. And the girl asked me anyway, but still.

"Yeah. I am." I finally replied, and she shrugged.

"It was worth a shot." she said, before walking away to her giggling group of friends. They shot glares at me for awhile before finally walking out of the bookshop. What were girls like that doing in a bookshop anyway? They were more like Jessica and Lauren then me.

I turned back towards Jasper, who still looked amused. I felt a blush beginning to spread on my face as I fully comprehended what I had just said. I had told a random stranger that I was his boyfriend. He didn't know I was grounded, and thankful Charlie hadn't been home when Jasper and I decided to go out, and he was sleeping soundly by the time we got back last night. I knew I would be in for hell once I got home, but being here with Jasper... it was worth it.

"Girlfriend, huh?" He asked, taking my book towards me and striding towards the counter. He was exactly like Edward-- always insisting that he pay for whatever I purchased. And I was still Bella, the one who had to protest every time.

"Well... I didn't know what else to say. You don't have to pay for me. Really, I'm not poor you know! We have money!" I started, and was silenced by a stern look from him. He was thoughtful for a second, before finally replying me.

"It'd be nice if you were though, but only when you're completely ready. I don't want to rush you into another relationship." He reassured, handing me the bag that contained the book I had bought.

"When I'm completely ready." I agreed, and we walked out in silence. The air was chilly, and the street was practically empty since it was so early in the morning. I brought Jasper into my favourite coffeehouse so I could eat breakfast, and because there wasn't really any place else to go except to the cinema. And I was clueless when it came to movies. Embarassingly clueless. I suppose I would have been deemed a nerd a long time ago, being a bookworm and exceptionally smart and all, but I had a feeling that it was my looks (which were still only- average) that were keeping me away from that title.

I placed my coffee and croissants down on the table, smiling happily at Jasper. He looked beautiful, but for some reason today he looked even better. His lean arms were exposed above the tight black shirt he was wearing, and his blonde hair was wildly messy and shiny.

Edward's opposite.

Edward was always so... polished and curteous. His hair was never in a mess and I had _never_ seen him wear black. Grey yes, but never black. When I was with him, I sometimes felt thankful that he couldn't read my mind. With Jasper it was different. Jasper was quiet and said dangerous, and I felt like he could always see through me, even though I knew he couldn't. But I wished he could. Then he could see how much I was hurting, how many words there were that I couldn't tell him, about myself, him, everything.

I gobbled down my food, suddenly ravenous although I had dinner last night. I never finished it anymore though, losing my appetite halfway through the meal. Only when I was with Jasper I ate properly. That was impossible because I had to cook dinner for Charlie everyday. The result? I had lost weight. A lot of it, actually. I paid the bill before we walked out towards a bench nearby. The cafe was getting way too stuffy for me. I had always hated small places, or maybe I was mildly claustrophobic or something. I sipped my coffee slowly while Jasper eyed me thoughtfully.

"What is it?" I asked nervously. It was an expression I couldn't read, as usual, but this one was different from all the others.

"I want to kiss you." He whispered, gently brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. The gesture was normal, he did it all the time. But this time, a shiver of electricity jolted painfully through my body.

"Then do it. I dare you." I replied, my voice huskier than usual. I didn't know why, but his eyes were suddenly drawing me into him. He slowly leaned over and his lips crashed down on mine. It wasn't a soft kiss, unlike how Edward's usually were. It was different. It was blatant that he didn't give a shit about boundaries like Edward had. And to think, a few months ago he was the one who had attempted to attack me. My breath hitched into my throat as his soft hands cupped my face. My heart palpitated wildly as I wrapped my arms around his neck, drawing me closer to him. Everything I had been feeling over the months suddenly just disappeared. It was just me and him. I knew even if Edward appeared at this spot, right at this very moment, I would have still wanted it this way.

Joy flooded through me as I realized I didn't want Edward that way anymore. He was just a memory now. I _loved_ him. Past tense. And it was okay. I knew what I had to do.

_I'm sorry, Edward. _I directed the thought towards him as I broke off the kiss with a gasp.

"Yes." I whispered, tears filling my eyes.

"Yes to what?" Jasper asked, his cool lips kissing my forehead.

"I want to be... yours. I'm ready. I'm sure. It's _you_." I sobbed, and a smile spread on his face. Then his lips were on neck, my eyelids, and back on my lips.

**_Like a hard candy, with a surprise center_**

* * *

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	11. My Hero

**A/N:** Contains fluff. Lots of fluff. 'Nuff said.

* * *

**Chapter Eleven.**

**_Love is old, love is new_**

Once, somebody had asked me if it was possible to experience love so blissful, that you felt like you never wanted to come out of it again.

I had scoffed at her, saying that love was never perfect, because people weren't made to be that way. People were made to make mistakes, people were not made flawless. Therefore, bliss would always disappear, and love would always die.

If she asked me again, I would have differed. It was possible. It was possible to love someone so deeply that you never wanted to let go, love someone so much that they put a smile on your face even when they weren't there.

I would just leave out the fact that _my _someone was a vampire.

That was the way Jasper made me feel. He made me feel perfect. I knew better, I knew that I would always be the inadequate, clumsy, Bella that I was, but it was nice. It was nice feeling that way once in awhile

With Edward, he took my breath away, but in a completely different way. I always felt like I was never good enough for him, or never pretty enough, never smart enough_. _I felt like it was luck that he happened to fall in love with someone like me.

With Jasper, it was different somehow. Everything between us seemed to consist entirely of sparks and electricity, never dying down. There were times where I felt so scared, because what if someday all this disappeared and my heart would break all over again? I was sure this time I wouldn't be able to take it.

On the other hand, everything the recent twist of events that had happened to me seemed to have made me stronger.

A year ago, change would have terrified me, but now I welcomed it. Unless Jasper decided to leave me like Edward did… then we would definitely have a problem. Yet, there was still this nagging feeling at the back of my head that something wasn't quite right, that there was still a puzzle piece in the wrong place.

Like I was only experiencing the calm, before disaster came and swept up the entire area. I shook the thought out of my head before another thought gently settled in, sending a ripple of fear through me.

September 13th was next week, and that date only signified one important event of my life. It would be my birthday. I would turn nineteen, I would be getting _older_. It was hard to believe that one year had passed by so quickly, and it was terrifying how I felt like it had been nothing but a few weeks, when in reality I had lived through months and months.

However, I wasn't quite up to Jasper's real age yet, but I would be… soon. If a year passed by this fast, what was another? The thought of turning older than Jasper scared the living crap out of me, and comprehension set in when I realized that if I wanted to remain younger than Jasper, I would have to turn into a vampire this year itself.

Holy crap.

"What are you thinking about?" Jasper asked, breaking me out of my reverie. My head was splayed across his lap, my legs curled up on the lengthy settee we were on. We were watching the Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, but I had lost concentration in the middle of it. I was rather startled though, when Cedric Diggory had turned out to look like a younger, less handsome Edward Cullen. Jasper had been slightly creeped out too.

"My birthday's next week." I muttered grimly, and Jasper stroked my cheek, his expression perceptively pained. I instantly regretted bringing up the topic because he was unmistakably remembering the birthday that had destroyed my entire life a year ago.

"It's alright. I forgave you for that a long time ago." I said softly, brushing my palm across his lightly scarred cheek. "It's just that I'll be _nineteen_." I spat the last word out like it was poison. Jasper looked at me, confused. Oh, I hadn't had that whole age argument thing with him yet.

"I'll be getting older. Next thing you know I'll be twenty five with wrinkles covering my face." I grumbled, pouting. Yeah, I was being a spoilsport, but I needed a venting outlet, and he was the only one who was available. The next words that came out of his mouth truly surprised me.

"Remember how Alice insisted on throwing you that huge party?" His tone was nostalgic as he changed the topic, and guilt suddenly colored his face. He looked like he wanted to take the words back, take back the empty silence that was suddenly lingering in the massive room.

I put two and two together, only coming up with the conclusion that he was missing Alice. Fury burned through my body, followed by sadness, followed by confusion, and finally, understanding. Of course he missed Alice. He had been too busy being strong for me, that he had never let _his_ walls down.

"You miss her." I said quietly. I didn't sound angry; I just said it as a statement. His obsidian eyes locked on mine. The pain in them was all that I needed to see. He didn't even have to say anything. I shook my head sadly, knowing what I needed to do, even if my heart would tear into pieces all over again.

_Trust is the key to a good relationship. I trust Jasper with all my heart._ I repeated over and over in my head as I said the words I knew he probably wanted to hear. He had sacrificed so much for me, it was time I stopped being unselfish and do something nice for him.

"Go. Go see her. I'll be fine here with the rest of the Cullens." I tried to make my voice sound perky, but instead I sounded like I was a cat taking a poop.

"Bella." He said firmly, a detectable trace of shock in his voice.

"I'm not leaving you like Edward did. I _do_ miss her but, she's on the dark side now. And I am yours to keep." He assured me, cradling my head gently. The words brought relief to me, and I pulled my arms around him, inhaling his scent that smelled like vanilla and pine and sandalwood and rain.

"I think I love you." I smiled up at him. My answer came in the form of his cold lips closing down on mine.

* * *

**ALICE POV.**

Let me list the reasons why I hate Isabella Marie Swan.

One: She had brought my favorite brother to his demise.

Two: She had stolen my husband, the love of my life.

Three: She didn't even stop the affair when she knew I had found out.

She had wiped away all reason for my living. Love, family, all _gone_ just like that. To think she had once been my best friend.

A year, an entire year had gone by, and I still had not heard from neither Bella nor Jasper. The other Cullens hadn't been any better; they too, hadn't even bothered trying. It was still incomprehensible how I had once thought of them as my family, my lifeline. I blanched at the thought of the naïve, innocent girl I had once been. Alice Cullen was no more. I wasn't the giggly, party loving Alice I was. Now I was Alice Volturi.

I was dangerous, deadly, feared.

There was still one thing I still kept track of since my old life, and only one. It was time. I was well aware that next week Bella would be celebrating her 19th birthday. I felt a plan beginning to unfold in me and a smirk played up on my cherry lips.

"Jane." I said, my voice less than a whisper. She instantly appeared next to me, wearing her usual expression. That is, bored and a tad pissed off.

"What?" she snapped, and I scowled at her in return. We had grown to be somewhat… friends, or at least companions who tolerated each other enough to tell each other secrets and gossip every night. I supposed it was that way because we were roommates, and she had been the only girl before I ever arrived. Her manners were still terrible, but I had to admit though, she could be humorous at times, and her powers were certainly impressive.

"Remember when I told you about the girl who stole my husband away? Isabella?" I asked her, and she nodded curiously, her scarlet eyes sparking up with piqued interest. I had told her the gist of Bella, of how much Edward loved her, of how she and Jasper was an item now. I had only left out one important part of the story, the _most_ important part. I left out the part which would define her fate with the Volturi.

"Well, she isn't a vampire."

Jane's eyes widened as she took in the news, her face contorting into an expression filled with malice and hate. Immediately I knew that she would report this back to Aro, which was, exactly what I wanted her to do. Around here, nobody ever kept secrets.

* * *

**BELLA POV**

"….So we're throwing you a birthday party next Saturday. You better be there okay?" Kayla chirped on the phone and slammed down the receiver before I had a chance to answer. I stared at it in awe, while Jasper laughed silently beside me, obviously listening on every word of the very short conversation we had.

"It's not funny." I growled, smacking him lightly. I didn't want a party! Parties and I weren't a good equation. Even an idiot would know that! Just look at what had happened last year.

"It's alright Bella. I'll be there." Jasper soothed, and my bitter mood died down a little. He must be using his damn powers again. I still couldn't believe I would be nineteen, so fast, and I decided that it was time to bring up the matter of my age. I took a deep breath, before blurting out my question.

"Jasper, if I asked you to turn me into… a vampire, would you comply?" I bit my lip nervously, anticipating his answer. He probably thought I was being weird, bringing up the question out of nowhere.

"That would be up to you. Of course, I would do it if I didn't have a choice. But, if I did, I'd only do it when _you_ think the time is right." He finally said, his eyes serious. I nodded, that sounded fair enough. I wasn't ready to leave human life yet anyway. Not for a few more months, at least.

"I love you." He stated and his lips were on mine again. I smiled against his lips and buried my hands into his soft hair, and he pulled me closer. His tongue slipped into my mouth, and then he was lying on top of me. My heart felt like it was about to stop. Edward had never gone this far before, and it was exhilarating. I wanted more. I pulled him down on me, our legs intertwining.

The kiss finally broke when I found myself gasping for air.

I cussed silently. Why did humans need to breathe when vampires didn't have to anyway? IT WASN'T FAIR!

Jasper laughed at my petulant expression, giving me a peck on the lips. I hopped off the couch, now feeling unusually hyper. The movie was still on, but neither of us was paying attention anymore to the flickering screen after the… make out session we just had.

"Bella, oh Bella. What am I ever going to do with you?" He murmured lovingly into my ear as I pulled him up with me.

"Let's go swimming! You guys have a heated pool right?" I mused randomly, and I must have been out of my mind because I usually loathed swimming. I loathed sports, in general. Well, at least I was able to float… it was better than nothing.

**(A/N: I know they don't have a heated pool but I say they do so too bad.)**

He nodded slowly, undisguised amusement on his face. He rushed up the stairs, vampire speed, and came down with two pairs of swimming suits in his hands. One was a bright red tankini, and the other was a two piece electric blue bikini. Both were equally revealing. I picked the tank, and Jasper waited as I changed into it, finally emerging with a towel wrapped around my body.

Once we reached the pool, Jasper rushed off to change into his swimming clothes, which were a pair of black boxer swimming shorts thingies.

**(A/N: Cause I think Speedos are gay.)**

I had never seen him without his shirt on, and when he reappeared, my mouth dropped open. He had muscles which were lean, yet still defined, and the nicest abs I had ever seen. (The only one I had ever seen, actually.) I resisted the urge to jump on him and kiss him madly.

I dipped my feet slowly into the water, thankful that I could feel the bottom. Jasper did the same, before going under and sweeping up my legs from underneath me.

"JASPER HALE! PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT!" I shrieked, thumping him on his back. He laughed, and then I landed with a loud splash into the water.

Stupid boyfriend of mine.

I swam to the surface and splashed water at him. He mocked an outraged expression, before splashing me. And then there was a war. After a few minutes of splashing, he had me backed up against the pool wall, both of us laughing hysterically.

It was a moment that I knew would be etched into my memory forever.

**_Love is all, love is you._**

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**Like it? Remember to drop a review cause i looooove reviews more than candy.**


	12. An Accident In Motion

**A/N: **Phew. I've been so stacked with homework these days it isn't even funny anymore. I'm so glad it's just 2 more days to the end of the week. I swear, I'm exhausted. But since I don't have that much homework today compared to the rest of the days, I decided to update. This is by far the longest chapter I've written for this story, and I really enjoyed writing it. I originally wanted to split it into two, but decided against it. Sorry if you guys have been really impatient, but it's here now!

_Oh, and I'm thinking of posting up a playlist on my profile for this story._ Review me with your opinions whether I should, please. Speaking of reviews.... REVIEW OKAY?! I look at my story hits and their like 7000+ people, WAY more than the amount of people who review. Not that I expect that many reviews but still... **WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?!** *endrant

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**_Holding my last breath, safe inside myself._**

**Chapter Eleven.**

**BELLA POV**

"Happy Birthday to Bella, Happy Birthday to You!" I flushed a deep shade of red as I rapidly blew out my candles and made my wish. Rosalie and Kayla had insisted on throwing me a birthday party, which had caused endless arguments between us. They, of course had ganged up on me and soon it became apparent that I was left with no choice. So I had grudgingly agreed with one rule: It _had _to be a small ceremony.

"Time to open your presents," Jasper murmured into my ear, his lips brushing my cheek lightly. I couldn't help the giddy grin that slipped past my lips, and I peered upwards to make a face at him. He was standing tall behind me, our hands interwined.

Emmett raised his hand excitedly. "Open mine and Rose's first! Bella… _open it first_!" He whined, resembling a 5 year old child. Rosalie scowled at him, exasperation written all over her face at her husband's impatience. I giggled at Emmett's antics, and released one of my hands from Jasper to accept the present that was in Emmett's extended hand.

I ripped open the light pink wrapping paper eagerly, exposing a small white box. His grin grew wider as I lifted the lid to reveal a shiny red iPod Nano, nestled in the confines of white paper. I gasped, thrusting the present back to Emmett's hand. His face crumbled at my dissatisfaction of the gift, and I quickly started to explain.

"I-I can't! That thing must have cost a... a _bomb_! You guys know I feel bad when I get bought expensive presents…" My voice trailed off as I stared at the shiny object that was still in the box.

"Bella, just take it for God's sakes. You know we really don't mind, and you need it. You're taste of music is horrible, and I've already added a few 100 songs in there." Rosalie waved a hand nonchalantly, her expression bored, and Emmett nodded eagerly. Was it just me or did I just hear Jasper snort when she mentioned my taste in music? It wasn't _thaat bad,_ at least not to me.

"But…" I started to protest, but fell silent at the look on Rosalie's face. She still scared me, even though we were friends now. The looks she gave people could shut anybody up at an instant, including Emmett.

"Fine, I kind love it actually. The color's so pretty... But I so owe you guys." I stated. Rosalie rolled her eyes an uttered a soft whatever.

"Now open mine and Carlisle's." Esme's soft voice chimed in, an equally gentle smile on her face as she handed me a simple package wrapped in blue with an electric blue ribbon on top. I nodded, carefully tearing off the pretty wrapping paper this time, instead of ripping it off. Inside was a new copy of my favorite book in the entire world, Wuthering Heights.

"This is nice! Thanks Esme, Carlisle. I've wanted a new one for ages but I always forget to get it." I said, grinning and dismissing the book next to Emmett and Rosalie's iPod.

"Now open mine." Jasper breathed into my ears, his crisp scent drawing tingles up and down my spine. He pushed a small box into my hand, unwrapped, and I questioningly slid the lid open to find a slim silver chain with a heart shaped locket in the middle.

I cautiously picked it up, catching my breath when I saw the engraving of my name on it. Inside the locket, there was a small picture of a laughing me, and a happy expression on Jasper as he kissed my cheek. I remembered that, we had taken it in a photobooth when we were at Port Angeles, just for kicks.

Words failed me, and so I could only stare at him with my mouth hanging open as though I was some kind of idiot. "Th-Thanks." I finally choked out, enveloping him into a hug. Once we let go, he deftly swiped the necklace from my hand and carefully fastened it on my neck. I involuntarily touched it as I was handed my last present from Kayla.

To my sheer shock and horror, it was a sleek white silk Victoria's Secret chemise, the ends of it threaded with purple floral designs. It was beautiful... but when was I ever going to wear this?! I felt humiliation redden my cheeks as I held it up in despair.

"KAYLA!" I managed to growl as I caught sight of her face. She was trying not to laugh.

"_What_? It's better than those rags I _know_ you sleep in." She retorted innocently and I sighed, laying the damn thing aside. I was no prude, but I was still far from sexy. I was in between unsexy and plain. Yeah. Oh well, might as well learn to accept the fact that no matter how much I complained, I would be getting extravagant, ridiculous presents anyway.

Ugh. If I were any other girl, I would have been overjoyed.

"Alright. Since _that's_ over with, LET'S PARTY!" Emmett whooped, emitting laughter from the small crowd that surrounded me. Rosalie and Emmett ventured off towards the makeshift dance floor, which was really a quarter of the room we were in, Kayla dug into a piece of cake, talking animatedly with Esme and Carlisle, and I was left alone with Jasper, again.

"Dance?" He asked, and I glanced at him to see that he was being completely serious. He knew I was hell on feet, was he doing this just to aggravate me? I replied him with a dirty look, a smile breaking out of his lips.

"It was worth trying!" He stated, shrugging. I stood up to get myself a slice of cake when my insides suddenly coiled as I spotted a familiar face at the wide window. Time literally stood still then, leaving only myself and the scarlet pair of eyes that were narrowed menacingly at me. I was frozen in fear, my feet glued tightly until Jasper appeared beside me, hissing angrily.

The blur of voices around me were incomprehensible, and I looked around with daze as I saw Kayla exiting the house, confused, no doubt. Rosalie and Emmet were just behind her. Thank God. I didn't want Kayla to be a part of this. I felt myself getting pushed back by Jasper as he stood protectively in front of me, muttering words that were only understandable if you had vampire hearing.

"Stay in here with Esme," He growled at me, so venomously that I promptly flinched back at his tone. He was the picture of fear then, his butterscotch eyes charged with malice, his body tensed up like the predator he was. He didn't stalk out the door until I gave him an affirmative, promising that I wouldn't try to sneak out of the house to try and 'save' him.

I didn't see the point in that, but I would give him half an hour to work things out. Then I would go find him, affirmative or not.

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**JASPER POV**

"Why are you here?" I roared at my ex-wife, unable to control the anger I felt for her anymore. It didn't take rocket science to figure out that the only reason she was here was to ruin Bella's birthday… and _not_ on accident.

She smiled, scorn written all over it, and snapped her fingers once. Abruptly, three looming figures that had been lurking in the shadows came forward, each clothed in a flowing black cloak. I distinguished their faces easily, much to my horror. They weren't hard to forget. Every vampire knew about them, some wished to be them. I had been offered once, but had declined.

There, right in front of me stood Aro, Jane and Alec.

The Volturi.

"We hear you've fallen in love with… a _human girl_." Jane drawled lazily, inspecting her nails. A knot of fear formed in my stomach. She was well known in our world, her power was unique… she could create illusions of pain on anyone. Human or vampire.

Including me.

Then there was Alec, who was able to cut off our senses- _all _of them. Like morphine, numbness was the only feeling we got if he inflicted his power on us. Without senses, we were nothing. Useless. Dolls, in a way, except we were able to talk and walk. Still, Alec could play us like mannequins, and we wouldn't be able to feel a thing.

Combined, they could probably take us out in a second if they wanted to. Vampire royalty, all after my Bella. All at once, I heard frantic footsteps at the back of my mind, moderately growing closer and louder. Frantic panic struck me, and I longed to ask her to go back inside. She _would not_ die because of me.

"Jasper?"

Faster than the speed of light, I was at her side, my arms around her waist so they couldn't get to her too easily. She sounded breathless, so I assumed that she had done exactly what I hadn't wanted her to do- run out on Esme. She shouldn't have. Now, she was as involved as I was. A sinking feeling told me that she would become a vampire probably sooner than I thought.

"Bella," Alice spat out quietly from Aro's side. Jane's head jerked up, her predatory eyes taking in Bella, her scent, and a slow smile spread on her face. Her confused expression a second later explained that she had been trying to use her powers on Bella; and it hadn't worked.

_Just like how Edward was unable to read her mind._ My mind was working on overdrive now, and relief flooded me when it became cognizant that their powers were unable to hurt Bella. She was immune to powers that worked inside the head, which affected her mentally. My powers worked on her because I affected her physically, and therefore did not require entering her mind.

I snapped myself back to reality, while Bella tapped her foot impatiently beside me, growing seemingly impatient by the minute. The Volturi, however, were all looking baffled, all except Alice, who was glaring angrily at Bella.

"Why aren't our powers working on her?" Aro demanded, agitation still written across his face.

"She is not affected by powers that require her head. It's sort of like she has a wall around it. Nobody knows why, really." I said, with obvious smugness in my voice.

"Well, whatever it is, you know you need to turn her into a vampire. Or, I might just come back and eat her…" Jane matched my smug stare with her own withering one. I despised her; she constantly acted like she was too good to be around everybody. I felt Bella tense up beside me, and Alice giggled at the scene unfolding in front of her. I didn't know why she wanted to Bella to be a vampire so bad, because Bella as a vampire would just be worse for her. If she wanted Bella dead, she could have easily killed Bella as a human. There was... something wasn't right.

"Yeah Jasper. What, you aren't going to give in to her wants like Edward used to do? She hates it, you know." Alice chimed in, her soprano voice higher above the rest, mocking me, teasing me.

Then Esme and Carlisle burst out at vampire speed, followed by Rosalie and Emmett at their heels. All four looked worried, and Rosalie looked well… _pissed_. They formed a wall around Bella, who had shrunk behind me now.

"Here comes the fun part." I heard Alice whisper under her breath until Rosalie marched up towards her and slapped her straight on the face.

"That's for coming back here to ruin Bella's birthday." She growled, her eyes flashing, expression thunderous. Emmett looked equally angry now, forever a sentinel to his Alice didn't look the least bit perturbed. She rubbed her cheek slowly before pouting.

"Aw… Rose. I thought you loved me." She whined, faking hurt. Rosalie snarled at her and begin to traipse forward again, but Emmett grabbed her wrist quickly, restraining her. She glared at Emmett, struggling to break free of his grip and I desperately sent waves of calm towards her, afraid that she would make everything worse. Emmett whispered something into her ear that made her sink into his arms.

"Aro, we meet again." Carlisle uttered into the frigid silence, his voice oozing nothing but total calmness. He had always been good at keeping his cool in situations like this, which I envied. I was more of the guy who was most likely to blow up in anger, like Rosalie. The only thing that was stopping me right now was... well... Bella.

"Indeed we do. It's been a long time, hasn't it? Oh, how things have changed." He continued smoothly, draping an arm around Alice, who merely smirked at us.

"I'm sure you are here for Bella, are you not?" Carlisle questioned, ignoring Aro's gesture, and Aro answered the question with a swift nod.

"It is imparative for Bella to become a vampire, seeing how she knows about… _us._ And, she has to do it now. This has been going on for far too long and I'm afraid we cannot procrastinate it any longer." Aro stated, smiling dangerously.

Carlisle sighed in defeat, glancing at me. I knew what he was trying to tell me… I didn't have a choice. Might as well turn her now and not endanger Bella's life. I looked at Bella, and her gaze locked with mine as she just gave me a single nod. I could tell she was seeing her life flash past her eyes. I had grown so accustomed to the glaze that shrouded her eyes when she was thinking of something else, when she was in her own galaxy. I could just imagine her thinking of her family, her human friends, her _life_.

I had to do it now, before I felt too guilty to go through with it. I was no Edward, not by a long shot, but she didn't deserve to be rushed if she didn't want to. If Edward were here, I was sure he would try and... bargain with the Volturi, which often led to consequences, and by consequences, I didn't mean to the vampire.

"Very well, it looks like I'm left with no other choice. But if you don't mind, I would like to do this with some privacy around." I reprimanded, surprised by the way my voice sounded so confident. Confidence was the very last thing I felt right now.

Aro thought about it for awhile, before agreeing reluctantly.

"Don't forget… Alice will know."

Those were the last words he said before he departed from our backyard.

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**BELLA POV**

I've been many things in life. In Kindy, I was the little girl with pigtails who was constantly surrounded by friends. In middle school, I was class president, and had 5 best friends. In high school, I was the palest girl in my class in Arizona. I moved to Forks, found love, the last thing I had expected to find. I discovered that people thought I was beautiful. _Human_ was never a word I had taken for granted before, not even after I met Edward. Not until today.

Today, I would be Bella Swan, vampire. Today, I would lose all humanity. I would be something entirely different.

The note I had quickly scribbled to Charlie- soggy and wet due to the tears that ran down my cheeks while writing it, had been delivered to my house by Rosalie. She had informed me that he hadn't been home, and I could just imagine him at Billy Black's house, watching a game and cheering every five minutes. I could imagine his face when he read the note saying that I had ran away with Jasper. This morning, I didn't expect that I would not be seeing Charlie again. Regret filled my gaping heart as I remembered that the last time I had properly told him 'I love you' was 2 days ago.

Jasper had devised a plan for the aftermath of my change- we would move to London for awhile. It was no Forks, but the skies there were pretty gray. It would do, at least for a few months. We would come back, he had assured me, and I would be able to maybe visit Charlie again, but I shouldn't get my hopes up to high.

"I'm so sorry that had to happen to you, Bells. I'm really sorry I have to turn you so... quickly." Jasper sighed into my hair, inhaling the scent of my strawberry shampoo. I watched intently as Carlisle filled a syringe with morphine- to ease the pain, he claimed. I had my doubts about it, but morphine or no morphine- I had heard enough to know that it would hurt.

"It's not your fault. It's not. This is what I wanted anyway, right? Ever since I was with Edward... this is what I wanted." I realized that I was saying it more to assure myself than to comfort Jasper. But it seemed to be working.

"No matter what happens... I love you Jazz. I always will." I whimpered, and then his lips were at the nape of my neck, cold skin hitting warm. The last time I would ever feel warm. There was a sharp prick of pain there that lasted for barely a minute, before I felt myself fall into oblivion, swallowed in absolute darkness.

**_Are all my thoughts of you, sweet raptured light, it ends here tonight._**


	13. Here I Stand

A/N: Sorry sorry sorry for the really late update! This chapter is... quite short (there's fluff!) and I've been really busy (lame excuse), that I haven't even updated my other fics. Plus I haven't compiled all the songs for this one's playlist. So feel free to drop your suggestions in a review and this chapter goes out to **EJ 12212012** for suggesting the song I should use in this chapter. ENJOY! :)

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**Chapter Thirteen.**

**_His eyes said it all, I started to fall, and the silence deafened._**

Pain. I could feel nothing but pain.

It burned through my body, shooting recklessly through my limbs and making them feeling like they were being torn apart and set to fire. My mouth itched to form a scream, knowing that it would ease the pain. But my body begged to differ. I felt like I was getting cut up, slowly, _excruciatingly_ slowly, and left to die. Hell, dying would have been easier than this. The darkness controlled me now, nothing but black that refused to fade. No images, no lights, just pure, solid darkness. I didn't know how long I was in that position, with my body presumably writhing into impossible shapes as I tried to overcome the pain that was consuming me.

I fought, even though I didn't know what I was fighting for. But it worked. That pain eventually begin to ebb into an ache, a dull, monotone ache that I didn't seem to be able to be rid off- still, it was an ache that was a million times better than the pain. _Anything _was better than the pain. I could hear voices now, indistinct voices that were unclear but familiar, wrapping my useless body up like a sliver of velvety soft ribbon. Like comfort.

"Jasper… she'll be fine man." The voice was deep, octaves lower then a usual man's as in rang steadily through my ears. I discerned it as Emmett's voice, now laced with concern. Even through the haze of pain and darkness I could hear that. I tried then, I tried my hardest to slide open my glued lips to notify Jasper that Emmett was right. That I was fine, or… I would be soon enough.

"Don't worry Jasper. Carlisle said she'll be waking up any second now." That voice could only belong to Rosalie, always agreeing with her husband. I knew enough to know that she wasn't lying and the piece of news relieved me. The ache was slowly dulling to a complete stop, so I did only what I could try to do. I tried to open my heavily lidded eyes. To my surprise, I was met with a burst of color so sharp and bright that made me want to shut my eyes again.

I didn't. I needed to see. Needed to show Jasper that I was okay.

I blinked several times, getting my new eyesight adjusted to my surroundings. I could see literally _everything_. The long black scratches on Rosalie's antique wooden cupboard, the specks of colorful dust that were swirling around in the air, even the intricate patterns on the black fedora that was lying on the foot of the bed.

Fascinated, I turned my head, the force of Jasper's eyes nearly taking away my breath- until I remembered I didn't breath anymore. The sight of his face- so familiar yet so foreign at the same time, stupefied me. There had always been a scar visible on his forehead, that much I had been able to see, but now… there were scars everywhere; faint, white, scars that dotted every inch of his creamy skin, scars that made me want to bring him close and cry silently for him. Strangely, they only magnified the degree of his startling beauty, only made him look more dangerous. He was still as beautiful as ever. I registered the soft sigh that escaped from his lips once he saw me, and couldn't control the giddy smile that I felt spreading on my face.

"Well... I'm fine." I said, in a way of greeting, jolted by the way my voice was suddenly octaves higher than it should be. I should have been prepared for all this, yet I was still quite shocked by the way I was so different now. And I hadn't even seen how I looked like yet.

"I know. I knew you would be. You're Bella." He replied, gently caressing my cheek with the back of his palm. A searing pain shot through my stomach then, and a frown tugged at the corner of my smiling lips. Only one thing came to mind. I was thirsty.

"You need to hunt." Jasper stated, like he was reading my mind. I pouted as he clasped his hand in mine and pulled me up from the bed. Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme, who had left the room without my noticing, gracefully loped back in with huge smiles on their face.

"BELLAAAAAAAA! YOU'RE BACK!" Emmett boomed, rushing towards me and flinging his arms around me in a hug. I hugged him back, crushing him tightly to my chest until he yelped. I didn't know why, but immediately dropped my hands like I had been burned, confused.

"That hurt Bells. I forgot how bloody _strong _you newborns are." He whined, evidently agitated by that fact. I knew why. I brightened, a smirk forming as I thought of all the things I could do to him now. I remembered how he would always crush me with his hugs back when I was human. That was definitely going to be returned now that I was (HA!) stronger than him. Also, an arm wrestling match sounded pretty good. Emmett was so dead.

The smirk widened, and I rubbed my hands together with glee. He stuck his tongue out at me and I rolled my eyes, lacing my hand through Jasper's again.

"God Emmett, you're so childish sometimes." Rosalie scowled at her husband, with love in her eyes, before grinning widely at me. I bit back a laugh at their arguments. Three days of silence and now it was back to all their bickering like an old married couple. Which… They were.

"You're-" Emmett was about to retort but immediately shut up when Rosalie shot him her signature death glare.

"You and Jasper_ are_ going hunting right?" Esme's soft voice interjected their little squabble as she stepped closer to hug me. I nodded against her warm hug, noticing that none of them felt cold to my touch anymore. We were the same temperature now, I deduced, seeing how that was the only logical explanation. It made sense, anyway.

"Well then, we'll see you after you hunt. And our flight to London is tomorrow, at 4.00 pm." I nodded quickly at Carlisle's words, already being led out of the door by Jasper.

Jasper walked us into the dark woods behind their house, him, clutching my hand tightly as we ventured deeper and deeper until he was finally satisfied. I was still rather unnerved by my superhuman senses. I could hear every little sound, from the crickets that were constantly singing to the rustling leaves. Then a new smell hit my nose, different from the rest, rendering my previous thoughts to nothing at all.

Blood.

I growled, a guttural sound that came from God knows where when I spotted a caribou that was drinking from the stream ahead of us. I had never seen anyone hunt before, I was never allowed since it was too 'violent', but my senses just acted on reflex. Beneath me, I felt my legs dragged themselves over the damp soil of the ground which left me with nothing to do but comply. My footsteps were soft, barely making a sound as I crouched down behind the animal. Then, I sprung, coming in contact with it's body. There wasn't much of a struggle, I had my teeth sinking into it's warm flesh in no time. I watched with glee as the warm blood trickled down, lapping it up with pleasure.

It wasn't enough.

Through my peripheral senses, I spotted Jasper attacking another caribou. The thirst died down for awhile as he drew me in with the graceful way he jumped on the animal. Lithe, silent, deadly. My hunter. He didn't even get any blood on his mouth. I licked my lips with disgust, wishing I could have said the same for me…

The equally strong scent of another caribou hit me, and the thirst settled once again. I surrendered to my senses and once I was finished with my prey, I cleaned my mouth at the stream. Had I still been human, I would have considered myself quite the sadist. I mean, who the hell _enjoyed _killing animals? Well, I definitely wasn't the freaking _lamb _anymore. My lips twisted up into a small resemblance of a smile remembering how Edward had first confessed his love to me. He was the lion, and I was the lamb.

I shook my head to shake off the bittersweet memory and found Jasper leaning casually against a tree, eyeing me with interest, obviously awaiting me. I shot him a flustered smile once I realized that he had seen me hunting.

"I can't believe I actually enjoyed that." I mused softly to myself, tracing back to the way my muscles gladly flexed when I had been pouncing on the animal. It had given me joy, in some sick twisted way, how everything didn't seem to matter but me and the deer. Predator and prey. Still, he didn't seem to be surprised that I was shocked, so maybe it was expected.

"I bet you didn't know that caribou is my favorite." He said wryly, slipping an arm around my waist as we begin to make our way back to the house. Just as I was beginning to indulge myself with the feeling of his strong arm wrapped tightly around me- he let go.

"Race you back!" He yelled, already shooting off into the distance. I gave a little squeal of delight and chased after him. I would have thought that everything would just be a senseless blur when I ran, like how it was when Edward had first run with me, instead, everything was clear, sharp, magnified. I didn't feel like I was flying past the forest at an inhuman speed, I felt like everything was in slow motion.

I reached the house first, Jasper only a few milliseconds after me. I stuck my tongue out at him playfully and said "I beat you."

He smirked and threw me over his shoulders, running into the house and throwing me on the couch before tickling me senseless.

Why hadn't anybody told me that vampires were ticklish too?

"STOP IT!" I squealed, squirming beneath his strong arms that were pinning my arms down to my sides. He continued, his smirk growing bigger and bigger until I shoved him off me, desperate to escape the tickle monster and accidentally slamming him into a wall in process.

"Oh shit! Damn! Sorry Jasper. "I cussed, crawling down the bed and hugging him tightly. He just spun me around, still wearing that annoying smirk and I found that I was face to face with a large mirror.

Staring at me was a girl with long dark mahogany locks, creamily pale skin and large almond set golden eyes. My cheekbones were prominent, my stomach was flat and taut, and my hips were nipped in like one of those girls in those old fashioned movies. My legs had also grown firmer, like I had actually played sports before.

"Jasper…. I'm beautiful." I breathed, momentarily astounded by the image of the girl in the mirror. I knew it was me, I felt like me. But… I somehow _wasn't_. His arms draped around my waist, pulling me into him as he leaned down to whisper into my ear.

"You've always been beautiful." His hot breath tickled my ear in a delicious way as I raised my gaze back up to the mirror. We looked like a couple in one of those perfect paintings I had always yearned for. My curls were cascading down my shoulders, touching the tips of his arms that were wrapped securely around me. He was kissing my head and I was smiling this huge grin that still managed to look ladylike at the same time.

I stood on my tiptoes and planted a small kiss on his lips. I could feel him smile against me, causing me to smile back. He kissed my eyelids before we pulled away, still locked in an embrace.

**_Laying flowers, on my life, it's over tonight_**


End file.
